WARNING: THIS EDITION OF 'STUPID COMICS' CONTAINS VIOLENCE, PROFANITY, RACISM, VIOLENCE, SEXISM, EXTREME VIOLENCE, AND IS GENERALLY VERY DISTURBING AND VIOLENT.
Straight outta the ghetto comes REAL DEAL MAGAZINE, the only comic book that TELLS IT LIKE IT IS! This amazing artifact of the 1989-1990 "Crazy Years" is, as the author describes, a prime example of "Urban Terror" storytelling, as the violence and horror inherent in the poverty-stricken lives of America's underclass explodes in a nightmare of frustration and violence. Also, there is an A-Team spoof.
Just in time for its big Hollywood treatment we get "The R Team", a vicious gang of thugs-4-hire who cheerfully murder their way through a fairly incoherent, casually racist 8 page story. What's next for REAL DEAL MAGAZINE? The amazing science-fiction of PLANET DREGS!
In the far future crime explodes and the prison population is in the millions! (that would be, uh, now, actually.) Hardened criminals are shipped across the galaxy to Planet Dregs where they're unceremoniously dumped to sink or swim - but not before a little abuse from sarcastic robots.
Like most prisons, "new meat" on Planet Dregs must guard against the feverish homosexual lust of the other inmates. However here we have a half-man cyborg with a sawblade for a hand, which is admittedly a rarity in the penal system. Will our hero "#73588X" survive with his man-virginity intact?
Nothing says "gay panic" like writing and drawing an entire comic book story about how you - er, I mean, "#73588X" - will beat the holy hell out of any gay lizard that tries to put his gay lizard moves on you. I guess the real question is, can this comic book get any more reprehensible and violent?
Yes it can.
Oh god, can it ever. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I need something to cleanse the palate, to remind me that there is still goodness and beauty in this world. HELP ME CASPER!!!
Ahhhhh. Thank god. That's better. Now on with the story, with the REAL story behind REAL DEAL MAGAZINE, the main event, the tale of our man G.C. It's 4am. G.C. and his two companions Ace and Willie are taking a nice drive through Los Angeles looking for "friends".
Unfortunately the "friend" turns out to be kind of mouthy, and that's all the reason REAL DEAL MAGAZINE needs to start doling out stomach-churning acts of senseless violence.
And this leads to an altercation with the lady's business manager. In other words THE PIMP GOES FOR HIS SHIT!
THIS in turn leads to a fight with two frat boys and a double vehicular homicide, one involving "Hit And Run Hernandez". Surely ths nightmare of bloody terror is over, right?
Oh no. THE SHIT'S ON!!
Okay REAL DEAL MAGAZINE, we get it, urban terror, horrifying acts of man's inhumanity to man, desperately clawing to survive in the poverty-stricken ghetto, okay.
OKAY WE GET IT ENOUGH ALREADY YOU DON'T HAVE TO DUMP STEW ON THE OLD LADY, WE GET IT.
JESUS THIS IS TOO MUCH. HELP ME CASPER. HELP ME CASPER!!!
AAAAAhhhh. Thank you, Casper and Wendy. REAL DEAL MAGAZINE would go on to publish six issues of patented Urban Terror comedy that would become a legend in the underground comics community. Currently REAL DEAL is undergoing a renaissance of interest, with a recent interview of creator "RawDog" at LA's Cinefamily by Johnny "Prison Pit" Ryan. In other words THE SHIT'S ON!!!
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