Return with us now to the 1950s, a decade in which altruistic white people were giving up their TVs and Edsels to live in the jungles of Africa and protect the helpless savage natives. You could not walk down a jungle path or lurk near the Elephant's Graveyard without tripping over some jungle king or prince or princess protecting their domain from evil hunters or bad ju-ju. Ironically the biggest menace threatening Africa was actually the white people themselves, but that doesn't make for thrilling comic books. Let's check in with today's Jungle Royalty!
Yeah, I know what you're saying, octopuses don't live in jungle rivers. Well maybe this is a jungle next to the ocean. Oh, you weren't saying that? You were saying Lorna is going to put somebody's eye out with her pointy Maidenform Jungle Bra? This is also true.
Meet Lorna and her boyfriend Greg. All Greg wants to do is some quiet fishing, which is why he brought Jungle Queen along. Nothing Jungle Queens like more than sitting in a boat for eight hours while Greg drinks Old Milwaukee after Old Milwaukee and huffs away on that terrible pipe of his. And don't even ask Jungle Queen about the bathroom arrangements! You don't want to know, believe me! Lucky for all concerned, devil fish aaaaeeeeh.
Escaping from an evil octopus is easy; merely hitch a ride on a convenient sea turtle. Not that this will stop Greg from bitching.
I guess this is the part where Jungle Queen has to actually, you know, fulfill her responsibilities as Jungle Queen. It's not all riding on floats and kissing babies and opening Jungle Shopping Malls!
BAGA DAROB MEEKA KEEBO! Here's where the plot gets interesting because to stop Greg from stopping her Lorna tells the natives that Greg is a slave to the Devil Fish so they'll stop Greg while Lorna stops the Devil Fish. I would think that handling Greg would be easier than handling the Devil Fish but maybe Lorna wants to conserve her strength. Or maybe she's got some passive-aggressive thing going on with Greg.
"Also must remember to pick up some more waterproof lipstick down at the Jungle Walgreens!"
Distracting the Devil Fish with a conch shell, Lorna avoids the poisonous ink (?) and knifes the sucker right in his cephalopod, and you know that's gotta hurt. Wait, what are you doing to the guy whom I told you was slave to the devil fish? Why are you trying to kill this person whom I told you was evil? Oh, right.
Looks like Lorna's plan to get Greg out of the way has backfired. OR HAS IT? Does she REALLY need Greg and his smelly pipe around?
That's the new plan, bring back the bloated, reeking bodies of their loved ones. And they'll be grateful. Maybe.
Oh, I see that instead of killing and eating people, the octopus TIED THEM UP to TEACH THEM A LESSON. That was one smart octopus! Maybe Lorna shouldn't have killed it, it being super smart and merciful and all.
GABODA! FRIGHTENING AFRICAN! GABODA! Devil fish is dead, loved ones are back alive, and Greg and Lorna The Jungle Queen continue their tempestuous relationship based on lack of communication and mutual distrust. Glad to see American customs survive deep in the jungle!
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