Way back in one of the first Stupid Comics, we briefly showed out-of-context panels of Sabrina the Teenage Witch's boyfriend, Harvey, purchasing and dressing up a blowup doll. "But those panels were out of context", the theoretical reader no doubt thought. "Surely he doesn't really make time with a love doll". So there's no time like the present to reassure our readers that Sabrina's boyfriend Harvey does, indeed, make time with a love doll! Because nothing is more depraved than an Archie comic! (except maybe those religious Archie comics.)
Like many tales of depravity, this one begins with the cuckolded Harvey being presented with a superior rival with whom he cannot compete, in this case Reggie-- the guy both Veronica and Betty routinely make fun of while fighting over dates with Archie. Harvey is so beta.
Beta as fuck. Well, what are you gonna do about it, Harvey?
I don't like the looks of those sweat drops radiating from your head, Harvey. Those are never an indication of good ideas.
H... Harvey no
Just get a Tenga Harvey
NO HARVEY STOP
MOM WILL DEFINITELY MIND
AND DAD WILL SEND YOU TO MILITARY SCHOOL
An arm around the doll's shoulders? You'll never make Sabrina jealous that way, after all, drive-ins are for heavy petting. Now, where did you put that Tenga?
Sabrina has a point here; he not only had enough to get into the drive-in, but how much does a blow-up doll go for? Probably at least as much as a concession stand hot dog.
Oh Sabrina, what kind of witch are you? Screaming over one silly little exploded head? You'll never get your Scanners merit badge at the next Witch's Jamboree at this rate.
Just in case you didn't get the joke in the title of the story, wiseguy Reggie helpfully spells it out for you. That's our Reggie! Cracking wise while his date lies in the gravel of the drive-in theatre and a boy experiencing a psychotic break waves a headless dummy over her.
You know, usually when a teenage boy goes shopping for sex toys at adult novelty shops, the last thing he wants his attention. But this is Harvey, who doesn't seem to comprehend that his girlfriend is a witch, even when she does shit like this...
...and shit like this happens. Reggie at least realizes something's wrong, but he's a wiseguy so no one gives a shit what he thinks.
Anyway, at least now Harvey doesn't need the Tenga! He just needs to surrender to the rubbery, squeaky, lifeless arms of his new lover. When Sabrina fixes a love doll, she REALLY fixes a love doll!!
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