Are you ready for some shiny metal robot fighting sword slashing action? I can tell you're not ready. No, you're not. Seriously, if you were ready, I'd know. what? Well, okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.
See, I said you weren't ready for GUILLOTINE, THE ROBOT RONIN. Because nothing says "robot samurai" like a French name, right? A guillotine is a sharp thing, and a "ronin" is a Japanese term referring to a masterless samurai, and samurai use swords, which are also sharp. So it makes total sense. So if you're ready for lots of shiny metal bands and muscular sinews all gleaming and shiny... well, I'll just assume you're ready.
Welp, let's just get right into it, with scientists who work for an ominous scientific organization whose name spells out a word, and a human brain transplanted into a shiny robot body, which is clamped to the wall so it will look impressive when it breaks loose and wreaks havoc. Because we all know it's going to break loose and wreak havoc, that's what shiny robots do.
I know when I build MY shiny robot, I'll make sure to secure him with easily-breakable bonds. After all if the robot can't wreak havoc, what's the point? I will also tell people we have no choice, and then ask them to choose between two options, because I don't understand the meaning of the statement "we have no choice." Scientists, right?
Oh my god, the robot has broken loose in a double-page spread that helps us pad this comic book out to a regulation 32 pages. When oh when will these scientists learn to put "on/off" switches on their robots?
Okay you guys, this super powerful samurai robot we built with the strength of fifty men and super metal armor has broken loose. I want you to get in there and stop him with your bare hands! What are we paying you for?
Gee, the bare-handed normal guys all got killed. What else we got? Send in some guys with guns. After all, this is a robot we built every piece of and surely if he was totally bullet proof, we'd know, right? We wouldn't do useless things here at S.O.U.R.C.E. No sir.
So let's recap S.O.U.R.C.E.'s robot maintenance plan so far. Send in unarmed guys who all die, and send in guys with guns who all die, and the backup plan is somebody named "Lance". I am beginning to question the competence of S.O.U.R.C.E.
Hey, turns out Lance is another shiny metal robot guy! He'll take care of your little problem, but it's going to cost you double. As a shiny metal robot man, Lance has a lot of use for money. Those Beanie Babies aren't going to collect themselves.
"That, my friend, is an understatement! I am much MORE than regular shit!" And so the two shiny metal robot warriors prepare to pound each other with their shiny metal robot fists. Millions and millions of dollars of research and development and equipment and programming and engineering so that two dumbasses can hit each other with their fists. Again, I question the competence of S.O.U.R.C.E.
Hey, remember the illustration we used on the cover of this comic? I knew you liked it and wanted to see it again, so here it is. You're welcome!
But Guillotine escapes the pounding fists of Lance and runs away to try and "loose" Lance. And his memory is returning and that means.... flashback... maybe......................
You see, once upon a time the brain inside Guillotine was in a Japanese man named Ronald Chong, who hoped one day to compete in the "Annual Bokken Sword Competition", which apparently involves jumping hurdles and kicking dummies.
Yes, a Japanese man named "Ronald Chong". Because Asia, I think.
Here's some traditional Japanese Chong Family bonding, demonstrating how Ronald Chong wanted more than anything to compete in the "Annual Bokken Sword Competition" which, since it's some sort of completely fake quasi-Oriental nonsense, can be depicted in the vaguest of terms. Whew!
And then one day the Chong family was transferred to America, where young Ronald was amazed to see houses made of brick and wood, as opposed to the rice paper that is used to build skyscrapers and shopping malls back home.
Ronald learned many new words and phrases. Proper usage, however, was another story.
And then suddenly the flashback ended and we're in a dark electrical tunnel beneath a secret research facility being chased by Lance, a shiny metal man. If it's a choice between this or the "Annual Bokken Sword Competition", I'll take Lance.
Speak of the shiny robot devil, here's Lance. Surprise!
Here we see an example of the 90-degree angle double-page spread, a comic book technique not seen very often, as it effectively destroys any narrative flow that might have existed, and serves to highlight any flaws that may possibly exist in your stiffly-drawn portrait of gleaming metal sinews and bulging robot thighs.
But enough of this storytelling, illustrative, comic art nonsense. What you, the reader, really want are plain, straightforward facts presented in as boring a fashion as possible.
So here you go! Every question you could ever hope to have about Guillotine the Robot Ronin is answered here clearly and concisely, solving all those barroom arguments and bitter family disputes about Guillotine's Prior Super Powers (none) and his Marital Status (surprisingly, none).
But that's not all Silverwolf has to offer - they were big players in the role-playing game industry as well.
You can choose between 'Arena' in which your role-playing characters fight and kill each other, or 'Holocaustic Dungeons' in which your role-playing characters fight and kill each other trying to pronounce the game's title. With advertising like "play with as many people as you can stand!" you know these games have to be fun a-plenty!
I wonder if Guillotine ever recovered his memories of being a Japanese man named Ronald Chong. I wonder if anyone ever played "Holocaustic Dungeons". I wonder if anyone ever made an RPG character out of Guillotine and put him IN "Holocaustic Dungeons". Now THAT would be cool. And shiny.
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