We've been digging through a lot of golden age comics lately, and while there's your usual assortment of Nazis and gangsters for our heroes to fight, I'm noticing a lot of the stories seem to go straight for the weird monsters - the zombies, the vampires, the Nazi homeless zombies, the radio-controlled Nazi zombies, etc., and as we'll see today, the indefinable creatures that just sort of come out of nowhere that strangely enough are not Nazis or zombies or Nazi zombies.
We're off to the Blue Ridge Mountains, home of beautiful scenery, bucolic vistas, and horrifying green weirdos who "romp". Will the floating head of Paul Gustavson's Angel confront this twisted menace?
Kidnapping only the stylisly dressed young ladies of the Blue Ridge Mountains, our unidentified monsters seem to have trouble catching up to this escaping girl, who might want to think about ditching the high heels while on her desperate flight through the forest.
Suddenly, the Angel! He just happened to be, um, on vacation or something, in the Blue Ridge, chilling out in trees in his blue tights, when along came a damsel in distress and a hideous green apparation from the earth's core.
Choke these guys hard enough and they dissolve into a thick, gummy substance that is wonderful in soups or stews, or as a glaze on ham. The hardy mountain folk of the Blue Ridge waste nothing!
Note The Angel's expository dialog here - why, we haven't heard from subterreanean ghouls in years! And by 'years', I mean 'ever'!
Jumpin' Hop-Toads, it's the Angel, that dapper, mustachioed fellow who, in his blue tights and slippers, battles crime and evil wherever it can be found! I was praying he'd help us out! Not Superman, or the army, or a squad of spelunkers armed with submachine guns and flamethrowers, but this one guy in tights and slippers, that's the one man in the world I was praying would be here. Jumpin' hop-toads.
The Angel's discovery of the Cave Of The Ghouls is interrupted by a ghoul who has neither the stamina nor the knowledge of judo that gives The Angel the edge in this little confrontation.
Yet more anthropological wishful thinking from The Angel, who blithely generates an entire backstory for these guys out of thin air. Maybe they're just having a beauty contest, Angel, you ever think of that?
His only option - to leap into their midst and start with the punching! Punch punch punch. But even the mighty powers of The Angel - whatever those may be - are no match for legions of green ghouls and their curious diapers.
I will say this for The Angel - it may have been a doomed strategy that led him to certain death, but it impressed the heck out of the ladies. If they ever get out of this alive, a Saturday night date is a sure thing!
However just in the nick of time, red hot lava from the molten center of the Earth erupts in a bubbling frenzy, terror-striking the ghouls... the same ghouls who worship a volcano, which is full of red hot lava. The seemingly arbitrary religious practices of these underground monsters are confusing!
Still trying to figure out the geography of this sequence here. Lava erupts, ghouls descend into cracks, which then fill with lava? Wouldn't the lava already be in the lowest areas because it's flowing downhill? Why would the ghouls... I guess I should quit trying to solve this riddle. It has no answer.
W-what th'?? Look! Trapped by lava! Certain death! Luckily, there's a party coming, so they can at least enjoy themselves before being vaporized.
Oh, not that kind of party. Fine, whatever.
Here The Angel invents "upskirt photography", or would have, if he'd brought his camera. Next time!
Saved from the boiling lava by mere inches, The Angel now faces the Devils Of The Mist! Be sure and enjoy the next exciting chapter in the adventures of The Angel, as the editors finally get wise to themselves and give The Angel some wings so that he can strike with the speed of a diving eagle - and forestall his inevitable cancellation in favor of more powerful, less slipper-oriented super heroes for another few months. So long, Angel! See ya in the X-Men!
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