So there it was, tucked away in the back of an issue of "Li'l Tomboy", the greatest tribute to American democracy ever seen in comic book form, the story of a young American who wanted nothing more in the world than to see that shining symbol of freedom and opportunity, the Statue Of Liberty.
And that young American was... Sharlene the pig. And now you know... the rest of the story. No, wait, a PIG TOURIST taking the ferry to Bedloe's Island to see the Statue Of Liberty? What's next, a duck on the observation deck of the Empire State Building? A cricket in Times Square? A mule getting suckered into buying the Brooklyn Bridge?
One thing's for sure, it's great to see that amputees can find new careers running the ferry to the Statue Of Liberty. So there's that.
It's very important to find out exactly what part of the country these people are from, because geographic locations may explain their strange behavior. People from Iowa carry pigs around everywhere, people from Delaware put flowerpots on their heads, people from New Mexico carry exactly fifty-three dollars in quarters at all times - IN THEIR MOUTHS!!
Glad to see the ferry operator's hand is back. That had me worried there for a minute.
Understandably the ferry operator wishes to not have his fine vessel contaminated by barnyard animals, and wishes to see proof that said barnyard animals love freedom and democracy enough to warrant their presence on his boat. I would be more concerned by finding out that this clearly insane hayseed thinks his pig can TALK. That's right buddy. Step over here a minute, some guys in white coats want to talk to your pig.
Well, butter my corn. Turns out in the world of comic books anything can happen, even pigs reciting the Declaration Of Independence.
Don't cry Sharlene. They just don't understand that you're a pig visiting the Statue Of Liberty.
Wait, they do understand that perfectly well. Go ahead and cry, I guess.
And there we have it, Lady Liberty. Take it easy on those stairs, Sharlene! We wouldn't want you to get too much exercise and sweat off any of that tasty bacon... I mean, charming porcine roundness!
Here we see how the indolent, lazy lifestyles of Americans have rendered us incapable of navigating even the simplest staircases, and we must crawl upwards on our hands and knees, panting at our exertion, cursing our freedom at every step.
Except, of course, for those lazy Americans too stupid to handle stairs. Even on their hands and knees they can't handle stairs. No wonder the commies think we're soft! Luckily for America, there's always a talking pig to catch us when we fall. I'm sure this is a metaphor for something... the farming industry... supporting new technological innovation... during times of economic downturn... with its soft pork belly. There.
You wouldn't have lost little Mory, lady! He'd be right there at the bottom of the stairwell! He'd be horribly mangled, disfigured, contussed, and with many broken bones, but he'd be right there! But let's not think about that. Let's think about how Sharlene's dreams had all come true- the dreams of all pigs everywhere, to stand in the crown of the Statue Of Liberty, and oink. Yes, Sharlene, Oink! Oink indeed!
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