The word "geek" has gone though many iterations in the past, from "wild man at the carnival who bites heads off live chickens" to "suave dot-com billionaire who buys and sells little people like us." But for most of its etymological life "geek" has held connotations that, if not wholly negative, surely fall somewhere in the ballpark of being correctly utilized by schoolyard bullies as they deliver indian burns to the kid wearing Superman Underoos. But surely the word "geek" never made its way into the seedy underworld of bootlegging, gambling, and petty crime?
Think again, as we take a long, grimy look at Peter Heslin, the Two-Gun Geek! I know, I know... you dearly wish this guy had his own comic with the words 'Two-Gun Geek' plastered across the newsstands. Sadly it was not to be, as the helpful narrative scroll explains, Peter Heslin would not become a superstar of the comic world, but would instead be executed for his heinous crimes, which we will shortly see. Also, pies 10 cents. MMmm!
Come with us into the glamorous world of New York city's hottest nightspots as the Roaring 20s build to a fever pitch of Great Gatsbyesque excitment! Meaning, a drunk staggers home from a bar and a sleazy bum plots to mug him.
The proper response to "got a match?", by the way, is "Yeah! My butt and your face!" But that usually results in a fistfight, so use sparingly.
Heslin blackjacks the drunk for three measly bucks. Which he's obviously going to spend on action figure collectibles, right? He's a geek! Well, okay, such things don't exist yet, but he IS going to stare mesmerized at the poster for an upcoming film, fascinated by the hero's use of two Beal .45 automatics, which apparently embue the user with supernatural powers. The caption box in the last panel helps to build up the mystique of the Beal automatics by invoking the "thunderous kick of a... Colt automatic". Hey caption box, pay attention! Get your guns straight!
Heslin continues to add to his "geek" credibility by pretending his coffee cup is a gun. And if you want to see more grown men play pretend bang-bang games, I invite you to check out the costume contest at any nearby comic-con.
Nothing like the contented smile on the face of a sleeping geek as he dreams of mowing down scores of innocent victims with his all-powerful Beal Automatics. Is that even a real gun? I mean, Remington made a "Beals" revolver. That's all I can find. Maybe this guy is just plain crazy. Well, he is dreaming a happy dream about murdering strangers, so yeah, there is some crazy involved.
And after being thrown out of his glamorous Roaring 20s flophouse by a couple of guys from the Bill Everett Swipe File, Heslin finds himself in a card game... where the stakes are two Beal automatics!! What are the chances of this happening!? It's a two-gun-geek's possibly insane dreams come true!!
And hey kids, here's a nice closeup of Heslin's geek fish lips and strangely painted fingernails as he uses all the poker-playing power at his command to really win those guns. Sure, they're loaded, go blow your brains out, you geek you.
Witness the Two-Gun-Geek's evil criminal genius- he'll wait until a card game is over and then stick 'em up right there on the street. The story isn't clear WHICH card game he's sticking up - if it's the card game he just left, then he ALREADY has all their money. Anyway, looks like he's going to commit armed robbery for the grand total of twenty bucks. WHAT A GEEK!
The one flaw in his carefully-executed plan of masterful criminality - the existence of police. Damn!
why not just start blasting away? That's what those guns are for! It's interesting to note here how Heslin joins many of his fellow gun enthusiasts by managing to blow a hole in himself. Remember, every gun owner is a responsible gun owner, before the blood-crazed massacre of murder and accidental shootings start.
His guns can't save him and he can't run. If only he'd listened to dreams! And not been, you know, a hateful, smelly, fish-lipped, firearms-obsessed geek. Thus, the electric chair has its due, and the children of America are taught once again that crime does not pay, and that Beal automatic pistols, if they exist, do NOT, in fact, make the user all-powerful. That's news you can use, kids!
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