We don't cover a lot of Westerns here at Stupid Comics. For one thing, we don't have that many Western comics. For another thing, most of them aren't really that stupid. Boring, predictable, and historically inaccurate, sure, but that special kind of stupid we require is lacking in many. But every once in a while, the genre coughs up a little gem of a stupid hairball.
Kid Colt is one of Marvel's cowboy heroes whose title started in the 1940s and lasted all the way until 1979, which is a powerul long stretch of comic books by anybody's standard, pardner, even if the last ten years were reprints. Which is what this one is, a 1970s reprint of a 1960s story that combined the two things kids love most - cowboys and aliens! Kids love cowboys and aliens! That's why that recent feature film was a box office smash! Wait a minute.
Our story opens as all Kid Colt stories do, with Kid Colt and his horse "Steel" being chased by a posse of determined yet misguided lawmen intent on capturing Kid Colt for a crime that he didn't commit. Sure, Kid Colt could explain, but that would mean he'd no longer be a Wild West outlaw and nobody wants to read a comic book about a guy roping cattle all day.
THIS story, on the other hand, promises to be "the most fantastic Western adventure of all time!" Don't undersell it Marvel, tell us how you really think.
It's hard to read these comics and not want to head for the nearest tavern, when every explosion makes that 'Bar-room' sound. I know where artist Jack Keller's headed once these pencils are done! (Just kidding Jack, we know you've got hot-rod comics pages to draw)
But little did Kid Colt or the posse suspect that the flying streak was in fact a space ship from an alien world piloted by an unearthly creature! What dopes they are to not suspect this!
Kid Colt - Wild West outlaw, amazing trick pistol shot, fighter for justice, and really interested in monsters.
Like any red-blooded American boy, Kid Colt cannot resist the urge to check out whatever is making that horrifying growling sound back in the hills. Stay tuned for our next exciting adventure, "Kid Colt Gets Mauled By A Grizzly."
Well, a furry monkey-faced giant wearing a red onesie. That's pretty unexpected, I'll admit.
Hey Kid Colt, if you want to escape that monster, maybe think about a little more riding and a little less stopping to talk to your horse!
I'll say this, not many Western comics feature the hero being captured by a giant furry space alien. Kudos to you, Kid Colt Outlaw.
Glad to see Kid Colt, when not escaping posses, keeps up with the cutting-edge physics research of James Clerk Maxwell and therefore has some idea of how far light travels in a year, giving him a frame of reference to comprehend exactly how far this furry space alien has travelled. You can't say that about most Wild West outlaws!
Using simple words our space alien pal explains his predicament to Kid Colt, who, with his keen Western intellect and sharp outlaw wits, manages to grasp the concepts of 'galaxy', 'comet', 'Earth', and 'crash', but is stopped cold by 'rocket-powered escape chute', which he can only assume involves 4th of July fireworks and coal delivery systems.
Uh oh here's the posse, and they have no love for Kid Colt but they can't let him be dismembered and eaten by this obviously savage outer space creature! Start shootin' fellas!
We begin to understand how Kid Colt has evaded capture for so long - he's always being chased by guys who can't hit the broad side of a barn OR a 30-foot-tall furry alien wearing a bright red one-piece swimsuit. Squeeze the trigger, fellas, don't pull.
Whoops, a stray bullet tags Kid Colt right in the heart! Deputy Oswald here didn't MEAN to kill him, just, you know, put a few holes in his hat, or right in his shoulder, like always happens in these comics.
DOPEY LOOKING LAWMEN OF THE OLD WEST #16 - Ferd Gowanus, Badwater TX. Collect 'em all!
Kid Colt sacrificed his life to save that stranger from outer space! Luckily THIS outer space stranger always carries a bottle of Life-Giving Lotion. Life-Giving Lotion - it brings cowboys back from the dead! Pick up a bottle today. You never know when you'll find a dead cowboy!
Just in the nick of time, the outer space taxi service arrives to take our space alien back to whatever world he came from. But first, let's drive the memory of these happenings out of the minds of humans! It will be best for them! If only some kind space alien would do the same for US and this story. It would be best for us. Come on, space aliens!
And we're right back where we started with Kid Colt being chased by a posse. Maybe EVERY Kid Colt story starts and ends this way, Kid Colt being trapped in an eternal nightmare of posse chasing and alien mind wiping. So how did we learn of this story? Neatly transcribed sheets came wafting into the window of the editorial department at Marvel Comics, which explains a great many things about some of the less coherent Marvel comics. Ah, what do you expect, they're free! You get what you pay for! Thanks, space aliens! Now make with the lotion!
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