It's time for more adventures across time and space starring that enigmatic all-powerful hero and his inquisitive girl companion! What alien menace or time-travel mystery will they confront now?
Oh, you thought it was going to be somebody else, didn't you? Nope, it's "The Ghost", who is not actually a ghost but some sort of cross between Mandrake The Magician and The Spectre and maybe the Green Lama, battling the evil Professor Fenton, who is using his time machine to... alter the past? Learn ancient mysteries? Conduct high-priced tourist expeditions? Nope, he's just trying to steal stuff with it. Think bigger, Fenton.
Now the genius Fenton realizes that he could use his time machine to go into the FUTURE and... steal things that would allow him to steal other things. Too bad he's not a professor of psychology, then maybe he could do something about that kleptomania of his. Meanwhile, The Ghost entertains a visitor from the museum.
The museum has a rare old Norse manuscript, but no living scholar knows the secret of the Viking alphabet! Apart, you know, from all those scholars who DO know Old Norse, it being fairly well preserved and studied. But no, this is one of those comic books where the author's lack of knowledge expands to fill his entire fictional world. Next up, The Ghost investigates why Sally from the typing pool won't date comic book writers. But first, The Ghost and Betty will just straight up steal Fenton's time machine. Our heroes, everybody
"I'll just send in my astral self to snoop around, like I do at the YWCA and anywhere else people have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Wait, did I say that last part out loud?"
Yogi Magic leaves the gang terrified! I know if I saw a talking bear in a hat doing magic tricks while eating out of a pic-a-nic basket I'd be terrified too! Wait, what? Not that kind of Yogi? Why not? What's your problem?
Note to time-machine criminals - keep fancy old paintings out of your time machine workshop, thereby preventing hero yogi magicians from imprisoning you inside the picture in various contrived poses. As fun as that might sound.
Betty and The Ghost just straight out hop right into Fenton's time machine without checking the controls or making sure of anything, and consequently wind up a thousand years in the wrong direction. Serves you right, you cloak-wearing snooper!
Here in the year 3000 mankind lives in the vast underground city of Manopolis, where Men are Men and women are... apparently non-existent. But what happened to lead to this state of affairs?
Back in 2400 one old guy was so disgusted by war, he figured he'd show the world what hate really looked like, by creating some sort of laboratory-generated protoplasmic monster combined with the hormones of the world's deadliest, most aggressive beasts of prey. This was known as the "Nothing Can Possibly Ever Go Wrong With This, Ever" experiment. Apparently, in some heretofore unexplained means, this would stop war. I wonder about scientists sometimes.
Precision Bombing Of The Year 2400!
But from a typical, unexciting bomb explosion (ho-hum) there creeped a hideous monster that lived only to terrorize and kill! Thanks a bunch, Professor Monster-Maker! You sure stopped war forever!
And so humanity put aside its differences and teamed up to fight this new menace, but it was too late, as swarms of Rellik-Men - TOO TERRIBLE FOR WORDS TO DESCRIBE - roamed the Earth, killing all in their path, forcing mankind to retreat into hidden underground cities and wear funny hats and goggles all the time.
Hey Betty, don't just run outside like there aren't hideous Rellik-Men lurking outside, so hideous that words cannot describe them, sort of brown and lumpy with long, squiggly arms, and... oh, sorry, I forgot, words can't describe them. My bad.
Betty's immediately groped by Rellik-Men while The Ghost takes a Rellik-Punch right in the kisser. Sorry Betty, The Ghost will be back to rescue you later. Try to protect your virtue until it gets dark!
There's a lot happening in this sequence. First off I think the Rellik-Men fighting over Betty instead of killing her outright supports my theory that Manopolis, and the world in general, needs women badly. Secondly check out how the Rellik-Men arms are actually snake heads! That's bitchin'! Thirdly The Ghost could have transmogrified Betty into a parrot at any time, but I guess he wanted her to get pawed by Rellik-Men for a few hours to teach her a lesson or something, I dunno. Anyway Yogi Magic is powerless against the menace of the Rellik-Men, so I guess we're all doomed.
And now there's a giant howling horde of monsters with gaping maws and arms that end in hissing snake heads all shambling in a hideous mass straight for what's left of the human race. It's enough to make you think you should have checked the settings on that time machine, huh, Ghost?
Suddenly - and this is the very next panel, mind you - suddenly we're in outer space and The Ghost is talking to his boss, The Venerable Yogi, who not only uses his own power but calls up THE POWER OF GOD HIMSELF to purge the Earth with a cleansing fire! Can't figure out how to end your story? Just handwave God in there. Works every time
It's a miracle! The Earth is now a scorched mass of smoldering ruins! Thank you God! Can The Ghost check Fenton's designs on the future? I dunno, last we checked Fenton was transformed into a two-dimensional painting and hung on his own wall, which would take care of his designs for anything at all ever. But I'm sure The Ghost will screw that up too, leaving the Venerable Yogi and God to fix things again. Be sure and read The Ghost next month!
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