When Earth's mightiest super-champions gather to battle injustice and do guy stuff, you know of course some silly ol' girl is going to want to get involved and ruin all the fun. And that's just what happens in this story we'd like to call "The Wild World Of Batwoman!" but instead is actually called something else.
Flying right out of the clip art from the annual report of a chemical company, it's The Super-Batwoman, the Batwoman with super powers! She's bested you in THIS case, Batman and Superman... the case of... the Lifting The Big Tank, apparently. Good for you, Super Batwoman, we knew you could do it. But how did Batwoman get these amazing powers? How, we ask?
Uh oh, looks like super-thief Elton Craig has escaped from prison and is off to, as he bragged to other prisoners, take some sort of amazing pill! Now it COULD be that Craig was just talking about going to a rave and doing a big hit of MDMA (ecstasy), but on the other hand, he might be about to swallow a Kryptonian super-power capsule!
You see right before Krypton exploded, Superman's dad was blasting anything and everything into space - dogs, his own son, even himself and his wife according to some stories. But the pills- the pills, he forgot. And let's face it, everything that gets blasted into space from Krypton eventually winds up on Earth.
And those pills fell on Earth and Craig found them, and they were HIS because of finders keepers, but Superman said "nuh-uh" and took them away from Craig, but apparently Craig stashed one for later. And of course since this is a team-up story Batman and Robin are on the case too!
Also watching on her trapezoid bonsai TV is heiress Kathy Kane, who is Batwoman! Or was, until some man told her to knock it off! Well, she's not going to let that stop her.
She's not on the case five minutes before Batman and Superman are laying down the law of the He-Man Woman Haters Club. Jerks.
But Batwoman scoops both Superman and Batman by thinking about the case, rather than thinking of how to keep dumb ol' girls off the case, and not only grabs Craig, but the super capsule as well, which just happens to fall down Batwoman's throat and turn her into Super-Batwoman!
And now that Batwoman is super strong and invulnerable, Batman is all like "you'd better go home and stay quiet and avoid horseback riding and fast dancing, and here's a pamphlet about the fine products from the Modess Corporation, because obviously I have confused super powers with menstruation."
Super Batwoman's having none of it, though, and is going to give Batman a taste of his own medicine by discovering Batman and Superman's true identities so that they'll never be able to boss her around again! I'm with Super Batwoman on this one.
It's a truce whenever danger threatens, but otherwise Super Batwoman is going to use all her super abilities to try and uncover their secret identities, just so they'll quit laughing at her the way Superman is in that first panel!
Superman, she can't split up and follow us both, unless she was exposed to whatever Kryptonite that turned you into Superman-Red and Superman-Blue and allowed you to marry both Lois Lane and Lana Lang, or was that an imaginary story, I forget. Anyway, unless the writers decide she can, she can't follow both of us at the same time.
Well, looks like Batman and Robin can't go back to their secret hideout man-cave because some dumb ol' girl is following them. Isn't that just like girls?
But in a shocking turn of events, Batwoman finds the Bat-Cave and now she knows their secret identities, and soon she's zooming off to figure out who Superman really is! This truly is a dark day for the caped crusader - it won't be long before she'll be dusting the Bat-Cave and putting frilly doilies on all the furniture!
A handy avalanche provides a super-diversion for Superman and Super-Batwoman, actually using their super powers for the greater good for once.
But it's soon back to juvenile hide and seek games for these purported grown-up adults. I don't know if this is the wisest use of her 24 hours of super powers.
Superman can't frighten her off with thunder and lightning, he can't scare her with explosives, and going over Niagara Falls? Not a problem! But what's that? Superman has used his super-brain and he's come up with the one thing that's SURE to frighten her?
Because all women are afraid of mice, right? Even Super-Batwomen, right?
But even his cliched eeek-a-mouse gambit fails because Super-Batwoman merely uses her super hearing to listen to where Superman's going, and now she's back on the "discover Superman's identity" case. Honey, Lois Lane has been working that angle for years. What makes you think you'll have better luck?
Super-Batwoman bursts into every office in an entire city block to try and find out who's been ditching work. Super-Batwoman? More like Super-SNITCH if you ask me!
But what's that? Clark Kent quietly at work in the Daily Planet - yet Superman's right there too? Surely there must be an explanation! Like one of Superman's Clark Kent robots, or Superman's identical cousin Van-Zee who lives in the bottled city of Kandor and occasionally fights crime as "Nightwing," or any one of a hundred different ways they've accomplished this in order to fool women like Lois Lane or Lana Lang and now, Batwoman.
Oh, Bruce Wayne disguised himself as Clark Kent, that one's always a good standby. As long as nothing pressing is happening to occupy Bruce Wayne's time, like, say the Riddler or the Penguin on a crime rampage. And Super-Batwoman didn't guess Batman's true identity either, Superman dug that Bat-Cave under this random guy's house to fool you. Now John Martin has his own man-cave! Thanks Superman!
Just when it looked like those mean old boys weren't going to let Batwoman be Batwoman, they relent and give their permission. Because women can do anything, as long as they have permission from men, right? Now behave yourself Batwoman, or it's back to the old abandoned mice-infested house with you!
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