It's summertime and that means it's time to hit the beach and get in those waves and confront the menace beneath them! Wait, what was that last part?
Yes, one man stands alone against the deadliest menace yet to threaten the world, four fish-guys who seem to be engaged in a dance-off. A dance-off beneath the waves!
Well, you've seen the movies, you know what's about to happen here. A giant ultra-modern ocean liner of the future, equipped with every safety device known to maritime science, surely she will never ever sink tragically on her maiden voyage, right?
Now I've never been on board a sinking ocean liner, but it seems to me that "AAARGH!!" is not the usual exclamation one makes at that time. Maybe a "cough cough" or a "gulp" or even a "gurgle," maybe.
It's not long before word of this tragedy reaches our hero Don Clyde, world famous smoking jacket enthusiast. Surely a ship labeled "unsinkable" could never sink, thinks Don. Something's wrong here! And as a world famous underwater explorer, Don inserts himself into the tragedy. He didn't get world famous by sitting around reading the paper!
Here Don shows us his amazing diving suit and tells us what it's made out of, but in spite of what the caption promises, he does not actually explain how his diving suit operates. I mean, having bendable joints that also maintain pressure must be a fascinating engineering feat. Oh well.
Hasn't tested it either. Hey, he didn't get to be world famous for testing things!
And so 20,000 feet beneath the waves Don dons his diving suit and prepares to be crushed like a peanut. Come on steamroller!
Don was crushed instantly. The end. No, wait, missing radioactive isotopes! Giant squid! Aqua-Men! It's all coming together!
Our forefathers - and by that I mean Dad, because atomic waste as a thing has only been around twenty years, tops - our forefathers ingested nuclear waste and became the master race of the sea - the Aqua-Men! And now we need your atomic waste, which is a thing that you don't want and have a lot of trouble getting rid of, and would gladly give us for free! But we're gonna steal it anyway. More fun like that.
With a mere touch of a button, King Aqua-Man whips up a giant wave and destroys "a city of great size." A young James Cameron thinks, "hey, I was just gonna make a movie about a sinking ocean liner, but THIS will be the perfect ending for my undersea science-fiction epic!"
Again, if someone would point out to Aqua-King that we'd cheerfully give him all the atomic waste he could ever possibly need, maybe a few cities and ocean liners might be spared. But no, it's all wrecking sad coastal towns and depth-charging the fiends and underwater suicide bombings.
Luckily for the surface world, the Aqua-Men are devilishly clever when it comes to creating tidal-wave machines, but not at all clever when it comes to grasping that a guy is planting a remote control bomb right in front of their aqua-faces.
And with a firey blast the city of the Aqua-Men is destroyed forever, and Britain's waterfronts and piers are free to degrade and collapse in their own good time. Don Clyde has solved another one of the mysteries of the deep! Also he has a nice catch of Aqua-Men on the deck! What's the limit on Aqua-Men? Three? Four?
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