Christmas is almost here and that means only one thing - that we here at Mister Kitty take a few weeks off! Also, that we try to find a Christmas-themed Stupid Comic for you. And it looks like we were all good little boys and girls, because here we go!
BEEP BEEP Santa didn't bother with snow tires this year and so far he's perfectly... uh oh... STEER INTO THE SKID, SANTA! STEER INTO THE SKID! PUMP THE BRAKES! PUMP THEM!
Whew. That was close. Go home and get the sled, Santa.
Three polar bears - nature's most perfect, most savage killing machines - wandering into Santa's house? I'll say Santa has a problem!
You know, the last time I heard somebody yell "Whitey! Watch out!" Pam Grier was about to blow somebody's head off with a shotgun. How times have changed.
Dripping with scarlet liquid, our rampaging polar bears wind up splattered in crimson, licking their chops in anticpation of further satisfying their lust for... well, cookies, I guess.
Nothing says "Christmas" like those horrifying sticky Brach's "christmas nougats" and I hope Mrs. Claus is staying far away from that stuff. Now, peppermint taffy, on the other hand, is seasonal AND tasty.
Bears are no match for the Broom of Mrs. Claus. Shoo you pesky bears. Go maul some campers.
But Santa figures out how to keep those polar bears occupied until the Coca Cola ad agency shows up to give them all meaningful work. Thanks Santa!
But enough North Pole jollies, let's move on to a more prosaic Christmas miracle story.
A genial, friendly postal worker? Now THAT'S a miracle! Andrew and Miranda here have agreed to take in an orphan to their semi-rural home, and before you start saying "Hey, this is just ripping off Anne Of Green Gables," well cool your jets because they're taking in TWO orphans.
Looks like Andrew just got some unpaid-intern postal workers! It's a Chrismas miracle!
"Well kids, once the high schoolers learned Xavier had a subscription to Penthouse, they started swiping his mail. He had to get a PO box over in town."
On the one hand, Xavier Crosspatch is a cranky shut-in filled with a hatred of all humanity. On the other hand, he seems to have figured out how to finally get off all those junk mail mailing lists, so he must be doing SOMETHING right.
WAKE UP IT'S CHRISTMAS! Hey everybody, see where the kid gets a live kitten as an Xmas present? That's not great idea unless everybody's on board with it and prepared for it. Don't surprise-gift people with live animal presents. Thanks, your pals, modern civilization
Oh, these precious waifs have a charming Christmas miracle planned for that cranky shut-in down the road. A charming Christmas miracle that poops!
And right in the middle of their tree-decorating flash-mob, they're caught! Caught by the rightful property owner!
It's Shut-ins VS Orphans in the Most Heartwarming Christmas Showdown! Who will get the highest score on our Sympathy-O-Meter?
Mr. Patch escapes to his Man Attic while Kitty ponders whether or not you can really use a chair for a litter box.
Think about it - this is actually the mirror image reverse of what happens to little Charlie in Citizen Kane. Poor Dickie? He'll never live in a giant mansion or fan the flames of war or throw away millions promoting his no-talent girlfriend.
Turns out that, just like giving kittens away as presents, back in the good old days just about anybody could adopt children. Farm hands don't grow on trees, you know!
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