Happy Valentines Day, everybody. Whether you're in a long term relationship or single and ready to mingle, there's one thing everybody has to deal with in relationships, and that's dealing with the problem of meeting new people while having to move in with your estranged father in his terrible rundown shack out on the poor side of town. What's that? You don't have that problem? Well, obviously you are not living the life of the subject of our latest look into the world of Stupid Comics. Aren't you glad?

And now (ominous keyboard music) Palmolive Dishwashing Liquid, Kent Cigarettes and Charlton Comics bring you "Too Rich, Too Poor," the heartbreaking story of two young lovers caught in a tempest of desire while trapped between two worlds. Can these two ever find happiness or competent inking? Maybe one, probably not the other.

That's one thing about probating wills, they always make you remember you have a father. And then you have to find him! Why look in the phone book when you can just hire a detective?

It must be tough discussing important family matters when you keep stopping mid-panel to change your hair style.

Uh oh, looks like Shantytown is run by the exciting and virile "Clem" who is disgusting and rude, until the exciting and virile Other Guy - the apparent King Of Shantytown - shows up. Now Ellie must choose between two different complete strangers!

Nope, we aren't reading a comic book about four different sets of people, this is just the artist's way of showing us the full extent of his swipe file. Look, MOST comic books are content to keep their characters looking the same, panel after boring panel. Here at Charlton we're mixing it up!

Here Tony explains his plan to destroy an entire neighborhood and force everyone to move, because he knows what's best for everybody. Our hero!

Gee Tony, let's have a romantic date down by the bulldozers destroying an entire neighborhood and you can tell me how much money you're going to make. So romantic!

The next morning Ellie and her dad find out that they have to vacate their hovel NOW instead of three days from now, and the razing crew blames it all on Tony, the rich guy. How will Ellie and her dad find the time to pack up all the valuable possessions no doubt filling their disgusting shack? They need time!

Ellie and Ellie's new face and hairstyle are mad at Tony, but Ellie's dad is there to deliver some last-minute exposition so that we, the reader, know that Tony is actually a swell fellow... for a slumlord, I guess

And with a few stammered words from our real estate tycoon boyfriend, all problems are solved. How silly of Ellie to be angry! They were just knocking her house down, that's all.

With their faces jammed tightly together in a panel traced from a previous panel traced from God knows where, our brave couple faces the future with serene knowledge that even fat wads of cash can't help inept pencilling, poor inking and an incoherent story. Stay tuned for Match Game and look out for those bulldozers!