Here at Stupid Comics we work hard to provide our readers with the kind of Stupid Comics experience that can only be built around having a giant pile of comic books and wallowing around in them on a regular basis. Frequently we come across panels that by themselves are sort of goofy, but don't really go the distance in terms of carrying an entire feature on their own. So they go in the "reject" pile, to wait until they reach critical mass and are forced out into the world. So get ready for disconnected comic book panel nonsense! I mean, even more so than usual!
First off, remember even hippies have feelings.
In fact as I recall, that was the problem with hippies, was that they were constantly in your face about their feelings and how important their feelings were to the exclusion of everyone else and everything around them, which explains the smell.
More like a FACE to beware of, am I right?
Next up is one of those stories that you read and you start thinking, there are some weird psycho-sexual undertones to this piece, some subtext that, intentional or unintentional, puts a whole different spin on the story than what it's ostensibly about.
so first off it's about a schoolgirl who eats a chemical and becomes big and plump, so there's your inflation fetish going on. She gets trapped in the doors of a bus, so that's humiliation, with some bondage and restraint as well. The conductor has to get out and so he's forced to squeeze between the legs of this inflated girl. You do the math on that one. And panel four ends with "get the driver to pull you" which... well, are we reading too much into this story?
I don't think we are.
Apart from delivering subtle innuendo, comics can also be used as valuable teaching tools to instruct children in safe handling of all kinds of things, including pets.
They've mutilated this poor animal just for their own convenience? That's "Neato!" for *you*, maybe!
And now, let's learn about history.
You have to admire the skill that goes into writing an entire page worth of text about the Civil War without mentioning slavery once. Why was the Civil War fought? We may never know, says this piece!
And here's an entire romance story that stars a woman whose boss is named "Michael Scott" like on the hit TV show "The Office." That's really the only joke going on here. Could we get an entire Stupid Comics feature of nothing but references to "The Office?" Maybe we can, but we didn't try. You're welcome.
Meanwhile here we learn that Hostess Cup Cakes are actually recruiting tools for some kind of weird Eastern meditation cult. Warn your children!
Hey little girls, it's never too early to start obsessing over your appearance - and hey, the Easy Curl uses the same 60-watt bulb the Easy Bake Oven uses, so your fab hairstyle will smell like chocolate cake, just the thing to hook those pre-teen boys!
Hey grown-up girls, is anything as sexy or attractive as a man casually belittling your intelligence? Be honest now.
Remember if you want to know about bowling, ask an old person, or the owner of your local bowling alley, who would love to see someone under the age of sixty in his bowling alley. Why not go bowling today?
The 1960s were a horrifying time when Miss American Teenagers were free to roam the streets harrassing strangers about their personal habits, jamming their beauty-queen fingers into your face to hector you about not being a square. OK for you, Miss American Teenager Paulette Breen, if that is your real name, which I doubt!
Well, okay, I guess she was a real person, as seen prior to her great victory in this issue of "Teen Life" magazine. Paulette went on to a career in TV and movies, including episodes of Quincy ME, Happy Days and Wonder Woman, and the feature film "Parts: The Clonus Horror!" So don't smoke, and you too might wind up being made fun of on Mystery Science Theater 3000!
meanwhile speaking of beauty queens:
Sometimes I don't know that Schulz was paying close enough attention to the licensing he signed off on.
STRAIGHT TALK -who do you think invented tentacle sexual assault? Was it in those Japanese comics the kids won't shut up about?
Nope, it was Dell Comics. CASE CLOSED!
Hey kids, do you like The Beatles? Huh, do you?
Do you like references to The Beatles shoved into every possible corner of your popular culture? We sure hope so!
Now you might think you have to travel to far away Bizarro planets to witness terrible Beatles cover bands, but I have good news for you, they're everywhere.
Hey Fantastic Four fans! What's Ben Grimm's favorite television show? Maude? Trapper John MD? One Day At A Time?
Nope, it's Space: 1999. Which means that, safely away from a television showing Space: 1999, Alica's statement that she can promise Ben won't be bored is a sure thing! Because Space: 1999 is kind of boring. Sure, great model work, wonderful set design, but the Barbara Bain and Martin Landau puppets were only capable of displaying a limited range of emotions.
Yeah, I know. Dunking on Space: 1999. We warned you that these were from the reject pile, didn't we?
AND NOW, BATMAN'S GREATEST CHALLENGE
Let's see Ben Affleck haul tires around to fight his way out of this one!
The great part about the English language is that a single word can take on multiple meanings. A word can evoke a certain sensation in one part of the world that it simply does not in another geographic location. What nonsense am I blathering on about now?
Tinkle, that's what I'm talking about. Why not have a Tinkle today?
Dear friends, nationalism is destined to inevitably clash with the forces of global commerce, and even children's crayons will become a hot-button issue dividing families and forcing those boastful cousins to admit their foreign crayons are no match for locally-sourced independently produced crayons. That's a heavy trip to lay on a six-year-old's sailboat picture!
Little Timmy here has a veritable harem of cartoon girlfriends, but Little Lulu is his best girl. Meanwhile Sally's club all reads Little Lulu, when they aren't playing poker and when the cigar smoke isn't too thick.
Meanwhile the grownups are struggling with their health and their weight after a lifetime of sitting on their cans reading Little Lulu. What's a man to do about his expanding belly?
Exercise? Diet? No way! I'll just strap that belly down and go on about my business. It'll give me pep! Also heartburn, acid reflux, erosive esophagitis, shallow breathing, decreased circulation, varicose veins, blood clots, strokes, aneurysms, and death. Enjoy!
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