CREEEEEAAAAK! That's the sound of a spooky door opening because our favourite time of the year, Halloweentime, is almost here! Get ready for frights and scares at the hauntingest house in Kentucky, the House of Mystery, plays host to that most terrifying of comic book characters... ummmmmmm... Superman.
(Extremely radio announcer voice) Yes, it's Superman, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and who, disguised as Clark Kent (mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper)...
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, Superman goes to the House of Mystery and meets its able caretaker Cain, despite Cain's warnings! Don't turn into a monster, Superman! You'd turn into a super monster that would be scarier than a locomotive! That's too scary!! Also that Atari Force story that takes up half this comic book is really boring so don't read it! Heed my warnings Superman!
Nothing is scarier than a boy trick-or-treating alone in a suburban neighbourhood, where, with a terrifying ALA-KA-SWISH, he transforms into a mon... uh, Superman. It's like that movie Big, but better because he turns into Superman instead of Tom Hanks.
Let's just imagine if they replaced Tom Hanks with Superman in all of his movies. Sure would've made Castaway a lot shorter!
Also, not to go too off topic, but why do superhero artists never seem to know what kids look like? They're not just shrunk-down adults. Don't get me wrong, Curt Swan's a good artist but that kid looks like that Halloween candy is the first food he's seen in weeks.
MEANWHILE, somewhere else, namely Metropolis, Clark is getting cockblocked by that big jerk Steve Lombard. Not really necessary Steve, dressing up as the Green Lantern never got anybody laid.
I, too, can accept Jimmy Olsen as Thor, the Norse god of thunder Thor, of course, who is an actual figure of ancient myth and therefore in the public domain. What, is there another Thor? One who may be covered by current copyright and trademark laws? Don't be ridiculous.
Anyway, there's also the fact that Jimmy once dated a Viking lady who was actually a robot, where it's revealed he once "visited the Viking age on a time trip" so he probably knows Thor personally. The public domain one, I mean.
SUDDENLY little-boy-fake-Superman bursts through the glass doors, giving not a thought to Lois's homeowner insurance.
Also, gotta say, I kinda love that Perry White came dressed up as Caesar.
Jimmy's been turned into a REAL thunder god... who, again, is an actual character from mythology and in no way bound by copyright law!! I really cannot stress this enough!
Why is Steve urging Clark to save Lois when Jimmy's just been turned into one of the Aveng... uh, I mean a Norse god?
MEANWHILE again, in Kentucky, Cain is entertaining... neighbourhood children? I guess? Except the House of Mystery seems like it's in a pretty isolated place? Where do these kids always come from, anyway? Cain and Abel are always telling these stories to little kids who just wander in from somewhere, like who lets their kids just walk through the dark woods to the old house where the weird single man with the crazy hair lives? Well, it's Kentucky so I suppose the answer is meth.
Anyway, rest assured nothing spooky is happening, it's just Mr. Mxyzptlk up to his usual pranks. Bet you didn't know he was once a tenant at the House of Mystery, huh? I didn't either, because I wasn't aware they rented rooms.
Fake Supes arrives with Lois and is immediately transformed back into... a completely different boy?
OHH NOOO now Mr. Mxyzptlk is changing all the children into monsters! Little, tiny, kid-sized monsters. Dunno what's gonna happen to scarecrow boy though, guess he'll just be made of straw. Well, THAT'S pretty scary!
OK, seriously, take a look at that aerial view of the HOM... where did all those kids come from??
And now for a little light tentacle-groping... you're welcome, ladies!
Looks like the House of Mystery has been transformed into a Rotary Club spook house, complete with that Disney Halloween Sound Effects record and plastic skeleton... not sure why Supes would be afraid of a literal pile of bones but ok. Uh, I mean, OH NOOO WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO SUPERMAN, I'LL HAVE TO SKIP PAST THIS HORRIFYINGLY BORING ATARI FORCE INSERT TO FIND OUT!!! WILL I STAY AWAKE LONG ENOUGH???
Phew! Good thing that scary skeleton was just a small boy. For real, a swat like that from Superman would completely pulverize that kid. Cain's right, Mr. Mxyzptlk, that's pretty irresponsible!
(it's fine. he's fine.)
We've all had dreams like that Supes, where we're at work but we're in our Underoos and our friends are all mad at us and know our secret identities.
Cain and little boy #2 get inserted into Superman's bad dream, but luckily DC editor Julie Schwartz, Sir Gropes-a-Lot himself, is there to explain forms of therapy that were popular in the 1970s. He knew a lot about therapy, because he caused a lot of young women to seek it out.
Anyway, here's Superman spinning Cain around like a helicopter blade.
Speaking of unwanted touching, Superman meets a vampiric masher but is kinda freaked out that this might actually be a child. I don't blame you Superman, that would be creepy!
What? Why would that work? Is that what sunlight is? Just a really bright gas lamp?
Well, if you were hoping for something scary in this Halloween comic, Superman's maniacal laughter ought to cover it.
haha, no way, he's annoying but he wouldn't kill Lois... uh... right...? Mr. Mxyzptlk...? r-right...??
lol it's funny because comic book artists aren't really chained to their desks, not literally, just figuratively, and a lot of them wind up in poor health as they age and they can't afford health insurance because the comic book industry is mostly freelance and work-for-hire. And they don't own the characters they create! Characters like Sup...
Oh, forget it. Let's get rid of ol' Kltpzyxm and have us a snack.
BTW that little boy's hundreds of miles from home. Obviously Superman can just fly him home but it's all ready hours later. I'm sure his parents aren't worried or anything. It's fine. He's fine. Skeleton boy is fine. The comic book artists are fine. Everything's fine.
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