I got my hands on a Gold Key Walt Disney Comics Digest from 1971, a full-colour extravaganza with stories about all of your favourite Disney characters, and few are so cherished as that lovable goof, Goofy. But even more than that, who can forget the beloved figure from the House of Mouse, the character we all know and love and have really heard of... Glory Bee...? Who is a... dog... lady. Who... is...
...hot for Goofy?
Miss, I know pickin's are slim there in Disney Character Town, but...?
Seriously, are you ok?
Yes, the only thing better than a fairy princess is a weird dog-headed lady whose mouth somehow moves to the side of her head when she turns to profile. Do you suppose from Mabel's vantage point, all she sees is a blank cheek because the mouth is on the opposite side of Glory Bee's head?
Incidentally if you were wondering whatever happened to Judy Garland, she didn't die from a drug overdose, she put on a fake dog nose, changed her name to Mabel and became a hair dresser.
It's not a huge shock, given everything we know about Goofy, that the first thing he notices about this big-boobed dog lady is the size of her shoes. So now all Glory Bee has to do is trade in those patent leather pumps for a pair of strappy, platform fetish shoes with 8" heels, right?
Seriously, look at the size of Goofy's feet, no wonder he's so fixated on women's shoes. His whole life must revolve around trying to find a pair that'll fit on this wooden planks he calls feet.
Huh? Oh, she's going to pretend to be helpless to attract him instead. OK. Because she is sexually attracted to Goofy. That is very normal. Yes.
I'll be honest. I keep getting distracted by her nose. Like, the little ball at the end of the snout, which is black for most of the other dog people, including Goofy, but hers is flesh coloured, human caucasian flesh coloured, and it's freaking me out. Yes, even more than her lust for Goofy.
I-is this porn? Are they... doing it...?
Oh god I was joking before please don't let this turn out to be porn
So that's how Disney characters swear. I always wondered.
Uhhh yeah we know what her problem is, her problem is she's a freakish almost-human dog person who's horny for the dopiest looking character in the Disney pantheon, and yes I am including Dopey.
Turns out Goofy likes a little "junk in the trunk" ha ha ha... ugh...
OK, so there's 2 options here:
A) Goofy knows perfectly well that Glory Bee is thirsty for his weird ass buck teeth and is just playing at ignorance to be an asshole OR
B) Goofy is only interested in well-oiled muscles, not namby pamby girly-girls. Actually now that I think about it these two things are not mutually exclusive at all.
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