Dear Abby, I'm 17 year old girl who lives inside a Charlton romance comic sometime in the mid 1970s, and everybody says I'm... RUNNING WILD. Actually, I'm filled with questions!

For one thing, I now know why the girls dig studs with bikes -but after straddling that vibrating Harley all day, will my future husband still consider me a virgin?

I spend all my free time with abusive bikers who hand me around like an inflatable love doll. What's the best way for a girl to deal with the damage scratchy beards can do to her complexion?

My next door neighbor is a 32-year old "boy" whose obsessive-possessive behavior is starting to really get on my nerves. Why won't he understand being a slatternly cycle mama is my own mature responsible decision?

Do my parents realize I ride off every night with a biker gang and have "PROPERTY OF HELLS ANGELS" tattooed in a discreet location on my body? Or are they just 70s parents - too busy with their self-actualization and EST and hot tub wife swapping quaalude parties to notice their daughter is on the way to becoming an "Easy Rider" cover gal?

Tim follows me everywhere and only the police save him from savage cycle gang beatings. Dear Abby, is a restraining order really as necessary as some seem to think it is, and what can I do for the headache I seem to have in the first panel?

Hey, I just ride with the cycle gang and get used for group kissing practice - I'm not a SKAG like Chopper's girl!

Oh no, now the true implications of membership in the female auxiliary of a motorcycle gang become all too clear to me! Dad was right about these guys, even though he appears nowhere in this comic book. If only my obsessive neighbor was here to save me!

And here's my obsessive neighbor here to save me. Remember kids, if there's somebody you like who doesn't like you back, just follow them around everywhere until they get into trouble and you can save them and then they'll like you.

(editor's note - this is actually the first realistic action anybody has taken in this comic. Also when a biker hits you, the sound effect is "Tudd.")

Dear Abby, I have traded in my biker-momma communal sex-toy lifestyle for romance with the boy next door who watches me when I sleep. My REAL question is; when revenge-crazed bikers crash our wedding, should they be seated on the groom's side, or the bride's side?