Can the children of the Midwest be induced to wait quietly for their meals by a comic book starring a thinly disguised WC Fields and a giant talking French bear as they experience an adventure into Mother Goose Land?

LK Restaurants And Motels certainly hopes so! This Marion, Ohio-based chain of family restaurants pinned its corporate hopes onto Pierre The Bear, a charming ursine Francophone. Let's take a look inside this so-called "fun book", shall we?

We join Pierre and Kong the robin as they ride free across America on their Harley. Remember to wear your helmets kids, and if YOU need a reservation at your nearest L-K Inn just call 800-848-5767. Toll free.

Sorry, I have to call "awesome" on any comic book starring WC Fields, giant distended proboscis and all, as a zany professor who's invented a machine that will teleport you into Fairy Tale Land. Yes indeed.

But first let's go to that L-K RESTAURANT and have dinner. Oh Professor, make sure you lock that door! I mean, this is a roadside motel next to the interstate! Anybody from meth-addled drifters to surly chambermaids to, say, our villians Phinneas and Brutus might steal your fairy tale machine!

Uh oh looks like our story is off to Mother Goose land. Which is good, because sticking around the L-K Restaurant isn't going to give us a thrilling adventure, unless you find fry vats exciting.

Hey it's our fairy tale favorites Jack And Jill, Old King Cole, the contrary Mary, and, uh, Mother Goose's punching-bag son Will. Is there a fairy tale about Will The Loser?

Clearly another sad case of ruffian-on-fairytale assault. Can those two crooks get away with this dastardly crime?

Okay everybody, get your crayons out and connect the dots. (MISTER KITTY NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CRAYON WAX RUINING YOUR FLAT SCREEN MONITOR)

Turns out they kidnapped a gander instead of a goose - hey, YOU go tell geese apart - and so NOW their plan is to kidnap Princess Mary, who bites. Whoever owned this comic took a stab at trying to draw the Princess, but gave up in disgust after a few lines. Are YOU going to give up? Copy those lines!

And here we have what I believe is the god-damnedest most frightening scary tree ever. That'll shut those kids up! And if they won't finish their peas, Mister Scary Tree is always waiting.

Meanwhile Princess Mary finds FAIRY TALE LAND JUMBO CROSSWORD BOOK #321 lying around her cell. Those are used as currency in the Fairy Tale Land penal system, you know.

But justice triumps as Mother Goose delivers a punishing aerial attack - namely a fifty pound lump of solid metal, delivered at terminal velocity onto the top of Phinneas' skull. Also Pierre The Bear rips Brutus's throat out with his vicious claws - no wait, gives him a right hook. I guess those French bears are all sissified or something.

And so we bid a sad farewell to Mother Goose land, with only a golden egg, free french fries, and a small Coke to assuage our despair. Do you miss us, Kong? We miss you too. Unfortunately this coupon is about fifteen years too late to be of any use, as the L-K Restaurants were all turned into Denny's in 1986 by a restaurant entrepreneur, the same guy who bought out "Black-Eyed Pea" and turned them all into the vastly inferior "Folks". Some fairy tale justice is needed here, I think.