SO! You've finally worked up the courage to phone the boy or girl of your dreams and ask them out for an evening of dining and dancing, or maybe a movie, or perhaps an exciting few hours at the Lazer Tag arena. But the dating world is full of pitfalls and potential faux pas waiting to turn your date into a dud! Who will help? SPECTREMAN. I mean, COMIC BOOKS.

How should a girl accept a date? By saying "yes". That's all you got to say, girlie. "Yes". In fact just keep saying "yes" all night, that will ensure the date is a success, for somebody anyway. Will YOUR guy enjoy a quiet evening at home with mom and dad and sis and brother and a slightly disapproving dog? Probably not, but if he's a good sport about it, HE'S A KEEPER, trust me on this one gals.

Late night snacks? Good-night kisses? Wicked brews? Nine times out of ten, no! But remember, there's an exception to every rule. Will Jarhead McBuzzcut be that exception? Looks like it!

If YOUR guy is a lousy dresser or a terrible dancer, chances are you knew already and are figuring you can "fix" him after the wedding. But don't be fooled, sister! You'd better start in on him RIGHT AWAY.

Did girls ever actually do this? Show up where their guy works and hang around telling him how to get promotions? Lecture him on how to treat his family? No, seriously, this is some kind of avant-garde performance art piece, right? Candid Camera? Come on, joke's over, where are the cameras?

I think Marge Simpson said it best when she said "most women will tell you that you're a fool to think you can change a man, but those women are quitters." Listen to Marge, she landed her man and has been raising his kids for what, 30-plus years now!

But here's another important question. How do you know the boy REALLY loves you?

Does he go into debt to buy you expensive trinkets? Then by golly it's love.

Does he give you all his attention and ignore other girls, friends, family, school, work, food, personal comfort? One conclusion - love!

Does he call you all the time, interrupting your homework, your meals, your sleep? Does he "drop in" unexpectedly at your place of work? Do you see his car parked outside your house at odd hours? Are items in your room out of place or missing? Has there been a string of disappearances or unexplained murders in your community? No no, I'm probably just imagining things. Relax.

Can he dodge bullets? Because THIS fella certainly dodged one.

But enough of mid-century America. What strange romantic customs exist in other lands?

The widows of the strangely Caucasian Amaswazi tribe in Africa tempt men with food, while the girls of the Manus in Polynesia... well, apparently the girls of the Manus prefer the company of other girls, if you know what I mean.

The Tchambuli villages of New Guinea are decorated gaily with native sofas, native throw rugs, native end tables and native flower vases! And blondes.

And the Mundugamore tribe has some kind of really obvious Freudian thing going on. However, the important thing to remember is that no matter where you go, dames are property and must be exchanged fairly between honest representatives in a free marketplace!

Well, we hope these dating tips will help you to find romantic success, whether you're balancing food on your head to attract a mate or putting up with your boyfriend's terrible family and lousy dancing. Good luck!