Well? Which boy would YOU choose... the one who treats you like shit but doesn't really care about you, or the one who also treats you like shit but cares about you like WAY too much? That's a pretty tough choice. Vicki hovers behind a motorbike ridden by a Davy Jones impersonator while a Pat Boone impersonator urges her to make up her mind all ready.

I know it doesn't seem all that surprising, but they're only being shown from the shoulders up for a reason.

Oh sure pal I'll help you study it's not like I've got any classes of my own to worry about, let's just make this exciting trip to the library all about you now that you're done groping me in the "non-fiction authors Q-Z" aisle.

OH BOY HERE IT COMES. First the groping, then the "I just want to be friends with benefits" speech. Because for some reason going steady a lot in high school is bad or something. Like, if it happens that often, it's not really going steady is it? What level of intimacy does going steady even entail? I don't know, it's been a long time since I was in schoool. Do they still do "rainbow parties"?

So he doesn't want to go steady but he wants an "understanding" that eventually they'll get engaged and, by extension, married? No, I don't think he's trying to stall you off, I think he's trying to confuse with the definition of what "is" is long enough to get another library-grope in.

No, why would she think he was trying to run her over? Just because he came careening at her on an otherwise empty street with a huge grin on his face? Clearly he just wants to pick her up... with the front fender of his motorbike. Though I guess he wasn't going very fast since his hat didn't budge from the tippy-top of his head. Anyway this story takes place during a quaint time when it was cute to call girls "bird" and "chick" and "tweety" and "our fine feathered friends". Those were the days!

"This one is absolutely fab", says the girl who's been kept locked in a basement her entire life until just yesterday. I dunno, I guess back then Davy Jones impersonators who sang like Dean Martin were a thing.

Being with Laurence, on the other hand, is warm and comforting, like a nice set of fuzzy flannel pajamas that aren't very attractive or interesting but will someday be good providers for their family. Such a dilemma, the annoying o solo mio guy or the guy who considers "being with you is just great" adequate sweet talk? I'm kind of on Team Laurence here I guess, if I had to choose a side, which thankfully I don't.

Ugh, yeah, that flamboyant "milady" shit gets old really fast. Fortunately giving a girl a ride on a motorcycle gives her the "thrill" of straddling an engine with only her miniskirt between her and all 150cc's of throbbing vibrations rumbling up between her legs... also you can't hear his annoying fake English accent when they're riding so that's a bonus.

But nothing can compare to the thrill of watching Allen slowly devour a weiner... Oh, don't be silly, Dr. Freud. Sometimes a hot dog is just a hot dog.

...and sometimes sucking back on a soda bottle is just... uhh yeah. Well, maybe Vicki can explore the emerging world of "slash fiction" if this is what she's into. Hope she likes Star Trek.

Well, if nothing else, at least Vicki gets the fun of throwing Laurence's words back at him. Women never forget Laurence! The sooner you learn the better!!

And now we come full circle, back to the splash page, poor Vicki torn between two lovers, each in their own way equally annoying! Who will she choose?????


So... none of the above then. I guess I can't fault her for that choice.

"He can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch! Man, that appeals to me!!"

God speed Vicki.