Sometimes you just need to get some monsters made. Maybe for a Halloween party, or maybe for a movie, or maybe to scare co-workers. Maybe you need a monster to help you rob a bank or terrorize an entire nation. Whatever your monster needs, Golden Age Comics have you covered with none other than that number-one monster maker himself, Landor, Maker Of Monsters!

Nope, not the Star Wars character known for his smooth charm and failure to keep the Empire off his Bespin mining colony, it's LandoR, Maker Of Monsters, the mad brilliant genius who is a brilliant genius at making mad monsters but absolutely terrible at providing convenient parking, and when not making monsters, has a total hate-on for Anthony Torrence and his fiancee Marcia, whoever they are.

It's important when conferring with mad geniuses to wear cloaks and stand in the wind so they swirl around dramatically. Another key tip is to not use the word "boring" so much in your comic book story which, so far, is not exactly delivering hair-raising thrills.

Hey, looks like we have a prototype for Doctor Doom! No, not the one from Archie Comics. No, not the Golden Age Doctor Doom. You know the one I'm talking about. The other one.

"No, I'm not working on your treasury excavation problem just yet. First - it's martini time"

ARTIST: Hey I don't have reference for a mole
WRITER: It kinda looks like a bear with a rat head
ARTIST: No it doesn't
WRITER: Prove it doesn't. Oh wait, you can't, you don't have any reference photos
EDITOR: Shut up and get back to work both of you, this has to be at the engravers by 3

Meanwhile the two foreign agents politely ask Marcia Merrill to come with them quietly. But no! She's all like GET OUT and JEEVES, SHOW THESE TWO KIDNAPPERS THE DOOR IF YOU PLEASE. How rude!

But good domestic help is apparently no match for the wiles of international espionage.

Conveniently located adjacent to the Treasury's gold depository, the castle of Landor Maker Of Monsters is the perfect real estate investment for anyone interested in monsters, making monsters, making monsters that will dig down and across the property line to loot the Treasury, or the loft aesthetic of high ceilings and exposed brick.

What's that, faithful butler and valet? Miss Marcia has been kidnapped? Quick! Fetch my pistol, my good man! No no, we won't involve the police. Some officers may not be our sort of person, if you know what I mean.

It's a well-known scientific fact that moles all dig towards gold. So if you make a giant mole, he'll naturally dig towards whatever gold is in the neighborhood without any prompting from you or Landor, its maker.

Landor can make monsters, but he can't hold on to competent employees. Maybe Landor should reconsider his priorities.

Wait a minute, I remember this episode, Jan gets all jealous and kind of obsessed. Is it same one where she invents the boyfriend? I know it's before Greg moves upstairs.

Sorry, thinking for a minute about the foreigners' plan and how lousy it must be if one guy can wander into the end of their tunnel and stop them, and then I started asking myself how exactly they were going to get any reasonable amount of money out of the Treasury vault without trucks or carts or even a wheelbarrow, were they just going to stuff their pockets with fifty dollar bills, and then I started thinking that hey, mole pelts are actually kind of valuable, Landor and his pals could probably make more cash in the long run simply farming giant moles. And then I realized I have thought about this way more than the actual writer did.

And with a couple of well placed gunshots AMERICAN JUSTICE is meted out to all who seek to undermine (get it?) her democracy with evil and/or giant moles!

Will Landor survive to bother the engaged couple again? Will Marcia get better servants? Will Tony turn Landor's castle into a theme restaurant? Will this issue go to press with a giant ink smudge on Marcia's face in the last panel? Don't miss the next issue of SPEed COMics!!