Teeth! Where would we be without 'em? Not enjoying peanut brittle, wherever we are, that is for certain. But how to make sure we take good care of our teeth? Comics - well, okay, instructional pamphlets that use words and pictures intermixed to convey information, might as well be comics - comics are here to help!

Yes, the Smile Of Health Means Good Dental Health, and while that may seem like a vague, tautological way to begin our instruction, who cares? Not teeth!

This won't be the first time Timmy's attempts at impressing the girls will be met with laughter. So what does this illustration have to do with dental health? You're in the weeds in more ways than one, comic

In the past, fancy lads were punched repeatedly in the head. This means bad news for dental health! Today, fancy lads are harassed the new modern way in our high-tech torture chairs. Now open wide, you fancy lad!

Ever wonder what happens when you're assigned to come up with four reasons we have teeth, and can only come up with maybe two? You fake it, that's what happens.

boy, somebody sure didn't want to know anything about the cementum or the periodontal membrane!

Here are the four main types of teeth, the four main functions of these different teeth, and the four instruments best suited for their smashing and/or destruction.

What Is Tooth Decay? Well, apparently it has something to do with somebody named Carie or Carrie. WHO IS CARRIE AND WHY DOES SHE HATE MY TEETH?

Oh, to live in the good old days when apparently people believed that decaying teeth would just "fix themselves". Well, they'll rot and fall out of your mouth, I guess that's sort of a fix. If they don't lead to fatal infections first! Well, that fixes things too, technically!

Most cases of malocclusion can be corrected with the proper treatment. Sometimes malocclusions can be CAUSED with the proper treatment - say, a baseball bat to the face from that bookie you stiffed. Keep up to date, kids

why those lousy lip-biting, thumb-sucking, mouth-breathing, malocclusion-causing primary tooth losers! They DESERVE their malocclusions.

How May Dental Decay Be Prevented? Mayn't it? It May! Remember Canadians, eat these foods! Lots of milk from a bag, potatoes from the No Frills, four slices of bread and butter, vitamin pills, cod liver oil, Nanaimo bars, Smarties (the chocolate ones), Tim Hortons coffee, and "use liver frequently", whatever that means. For God's sake don't EAT it, though

FUN FACT: these images are getting somebody really excited

toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash are all available at your corner store. The discipline to use them twice a day, however, is a little harder to come by

Oh christ, here we go. Obviously the Lizard People Illuminati have banded together with Big Pharma and the big Waste Products From Nuclear Industry cartel to produce fluoride, the deadliest substance known to man, which, if compressed into a metallic substance, poured into a mold, fitted with powder and a percussion cap in a shell, loaded into a firearm, and shot at somebody, could hurt them badly indeed. CLEARLY this POISON should be REMOVED from our WATER where it SAPS our WILL and leads to COMMUNISM. We get it, we know, spare us the typo-laden emails and the hastily scrawled letters warning us of the dangers of this death-dealing death ingredient that leaves a trail of communist bodies wherever it drips or spills or whatever it is that fluoride does. Meanwhile, we'll enjoy healthy teeth!

See? Approved by the Canadian Dental Association and the Canadian Medical Association and the World Health Organization, which meets in Davos Switzerland every year to fix the agenda for their yearly conference in the Bohemian Grove, which decides on the location of that year's Bilderberg Group meeting, where they, of course, sacrifice screaming bloody virgins to their Satanic master in exchange for wordly power. There. Are you happy now, conspiracy theorists? I've just revealed the horrifying truth. My life, and my teeth, aren't worth a plugged nickel now.

It's up to YOU to make sure you get to the dentist twice a year! Well, okay, if you're reading this in school you're probably a minor so it's up to your parent or guardian to get you in that dentist's chair. THEN it's up to you. "You" in this case being the dentist. So, if you're a kid reading this, well, nothing is up to you. Get in the car.

X-Rays! They can discover hidden dangers! They can also CAUSE hidden dangers, which is why the technician leaves the room whenever those things start zipping around!

Okay now. Is this illustration really about avoiding dental accidents, or CAUSING dental accidents? Because I never once in my life thought about shoving somebody into a drinking fountain, and now that's all I can think of doing!

Make sure teeth are protected when playing hockey, football, or whatever insane sex-dungeon role-play this poor gimp is caught up in

That's right, the first thing I worry about when involved in a horrifying car accident is my teeth. Never mind my nose, my eyes, my skull in general. So use those seat belts, if you have them! It's 1965 and they aren't mandatory at all! Also the dashboard is just a big slab of metal, cars don't have anti-lock brakes or crumple zones, and "air bags" are not going to be a thing for decades. Get to work, Ralph Nader!

Hey, here's a whole class watching a movie of that image that gets some people strangely excited. Hands where we can see them, Timmy

What have these posters to do with Dental Health? Well, fifty years later when you see them at the vintage show and they're $75 each, you grind your teeth in frustration, that's what!

Fifty years later dentistry is still a lucrative and valuable career for young Canadians to consider. The hours are great, the pay is swell, you get to work indoors with a lot of customers who will pretty much do whatever you tell them to do while they're in that chair, and you get free toothpaste for life. The downside is that you have to put your hands inside somebody else's mouth all day.

And now we get down to the REAL DEAL, which is that you are judged mercilessly every single time you step out of doors, and if you have funky looking teeth, well, buddy, you can kiss goodbye to societal advancement and/or enjoying corn on the cob like Mister Corn here is doing, he's on Cob #3, you might want to slow down there, you corn-huffing freak.

This book was printed in Canada on Canadian newsprint by Canadians working on Canadian presses from plates shot by Canadian pre-press employees made from artwork drawn by, of, and for Canadians and if you don't like it you can go the hell back to whatever hockey-deficient nightmare world you came from, you Canada disliker! Sorry!