Summer's about done and Halloween isn't quite here, so here's a spooky beach story for this annoying in-between time, introducing a family that just bought their dream house on Gnarled Tree Beach.

Their hot, pantsless daughter Lisa contemplates some deep thoughts before getting a load of herself in the mirror. Ladies, what would we do without our make-up, am I right? Huh? Ladies???

Luckily mom and dad are there to assure her that her ability to drive young men to insanity with her pretty face and pantsless legs is still intact. No worries Lisa, probably just your imagination! Or you're delirious from inhaling carbon monoxide because your parents didn't get the CO2 detector installed in their new dream house yet. Either way, go to bed!

I'm not seeing a lot of writhing going on in this triptych, more like snarling, but you're the professional comic book writer, man.

In the daytime, Pretty Pantsless Lisa drives all the boys on the beach insane, if insanity means pointing when you're actually trying to make quote-unquote "air quotes".

Like some sort of terrifying mermaid-butterfly hybrid, Lisa whirls around with one pair of elephant bell-bottom pants after another, justifying her choice not to wear pants, I guess.

But late at night, her weird parents sit around watching her sleep and now they're all inhaling noxious CO2 and seeing her transform into a witch or an old version of herself or something. Anyway, Dad's had enough so he's going to take a nice moonlight walk on the beach in his bathrobe! So far this is an extremely normal story about a girl possessed by a demon. Very common in the 1970s. I'm sure there are no bizarre turns in store for us here.

ah yes, a normal story about a wizard hermit living in a hovel on the beach, decorated nicely with human skulls and frowny faces.

Please, weird old wizard dude who collects human skulls, I'll believe anything you tell me even though I just met you and frankly I'm pretty sure you're squatting on a public beach! Come to my house and stare at my young daughter while she sleeps! I'll pay anything!!

Sure enough, Gandalf gets into Lisa's bedroom and immediately starts Baal-ing her.

Huh? Huh??

"I command thee by the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Virginia, leave her body or I'll stab it with this big piece of broken glass I found out by my hovel on the beach!"

The old man exercises his exorcism routine, but fortunately doens't exorcise his exercise routine (which centres mainly on HIIT cardio workouts mixed with a little weight training-- important for keeping your bones strong as you age).

Also, a couple of ghosts are using Lisa's body to continue the fight they had at age 5 over who REALLY peed the bed that one night at Grandma's. Siblings, they're always squabbling!

The two ghosts, or possibly CO2-induced hallucinations, squabble their way right into the dangerously sharp mirror shard, where they share a nice pipe of crack. Not sure why they even needed Lisa's body in the first place, honestly. It looks like they could do this any old where.

Mr. Wizard does the "Tah-DAH" gesture with his arm as Cain joins Mom and Dad to stare weirdly at Lisa as she sleeps; no doubt Mr. Beach Bum Air Quotes Man and his "sharks" will also be taking in the sights as well. THE END, OR IS IT? (yes it is)

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