There are hundreds and thousands of different super heroes, all with different abilities, powers, secret identities, animal companions, young wards, and adventures. But there's only ONE super hero SO VERY SUPER that they only needed to appear ONCE to achieve all their super hero goals!
Yes, it's Conjura! Conjura, who can... what CAN Conjura do, anyway? She knows how to say magic words? Well, heck, ANYBODY can say magic words. Alakazam, abracadabra, shazam, nothing happens when WE say them. I guess Conjura is some kind of magician and can use those magic words along with some sort of innate magical power to help her neighbors. Whom, I assume, are the rats.
Gang, it's official, Conjura is one of those comic book magicians who do their magic by talking backwards. Zatanna, Zatanna's dad Zatara, El Carim, and Mandrake over in the newspapers, they all have the same gimmick. In the funnybooks backwards-talk means heroic crime-fighting, but when they talk backwards in the heavy metal records suddenly it's all Satanic mind control. Go figure. Anyway, the awesome super magic powers of Conjura are sufficent to remove the rats from a vacant lot, but pest-controlling a whole city? Conjura knows her limitations!
So it's a magical trip back in time to Hamelin, site of the most famous story about rats ever told that didn't involve a Michael Jackson hit song.
The Pied Piper of Hamelin apparently is a real historical figure who could really attract vermin with a flute. These days all we have is Ian Anderson! Yes that's a Jethro Tull reference! Deal with it.
The Pied Piper Masterplan is to lure the rats into the river and watch them float downstream, to become Downriver City's problem. Get your own piper, suckers!
"He can help me kill the rats at home. And then maybe I'll get to know this fascinating Saxon a little better!" That's what the expression on Conjura's face says, you can't tell me otherwise.
This right here is the moral of this story - independent contractors ALWAYS need to get a DEPOSIT UP FRONT. ALWAYS.
Justice, Lower Saxony style, plays out as the Piper pipes the children right out of Hamelin and into the mists of myth! One version of the story has the Piper stealing all the children away to Transylvania, which can only mean one thing, vampires, vampires, vampires.
The magic words of "Nerdlinger, your cab ought not!" had no effect. Maybe there are easier methods of rodent control than travelling back in time and attempting to change history? No?
Who are you, strange woman? I don't see you in my Ultimate Guide To DC Super Heroes! You were never in Brave & Bold or the Justice League or the All-Star Squad or the Legion Of Super Heroes or even the Legion Of Substitute Heroes! Also, don't you know the story of me, that somehow I know is a thing people should know, this thing I'm in the middle of doing?
All right. Okay, Piper. Hold on a minute. Think about this. What did you just get done doing? Why did you do it? You did it because you didn't get paid up front, right? Now here you are, agreeing to provide services without money up front, or even a price agreed upon. Think, man!
Well, for all her reverse-speech magic talk, it seems Conjura couldn't quite convince the forces of time and space to let her bring the Pied Piper along. Oh well. Get out the baseball bats and .22's, kids!
Kid you have a stick RIGHT THERE. Get whacking!
Tootle tootle tweet, who's this? Who's driving up in his little truck to the vacant rat-infested lot? Is it a city inspector ready to slap a gigantic fine on the property owner for allowing this obvious hazard to public health to go on unabated?
If you can't bring the guy into the future, maybe you can get the same service from his descendant! Who is, you know, an actual licensed pest control professional. Let this be a lesson to you - when you need some rats killed, don't waste your time bending the laws of physics, just let your fingers do the walking and look one up in the Yellow Pages! Which, these days, is a thing you'd need to bend the laws of time and space to use.
Also, when producing a line of educational comics for late 1970s children (like this one, "Super A"), why not make sure your comic book company already has a few positive black woman role models, and then you won't have to conjure one up just for your story? Huh? Sure! We're looking forward to seeing Conjura in an episode of Supergirl or maybe in a Wonder Woman movie, so get busy, people!
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