When dramatic world events shake the foundations of society, the publishing industry has a responsibility to step up and ensure their readers are informed and aware. Even super hero comic books have to reflect news of the day, and sometimes that leads to powerful, heartfelt stories that touch us all. And then there's this.
When Japan bombed Pearl Harbor and America was catapulted into the Second World War, well, the media went nuts. Already primed for peak "yellow peril" racism by a generation of paranoid, sensational Hearst newspapers, an actual shooting war with an Asian nation allowed the worst impulses of a shocked United States to run rampant, climaxing here with Captain America and Bucky being menaced by an unauthorized production of a Gilbert & Sullivan opera!
Right away we take a deep dive into Imperial conspiracy theory as our story posits a Secret Hirohito Twin, destined from birth to rule a North American Japanese Empire! Let me dust this concept off and pitch it to some media conglomerates here in the 21st century; I bet we can get a light novel series and at least five dating-simulation video games out of it.
Is it just me, or does it look like somebody in editorial made the last minute decision to make changes to the name of the character "Baron Jojitso?" Did somebody at Timely Comics hesitate to besmirch the legacy of a noble martial art? And how did Mexico feel about a colony of Japanese nobility using their west coast as a temporary empire? And why does Hirohito's twin look nothing like Hirohito? Apart from the vampire fangs, of course?
I can't tell if Steve Rogers is talking about coming to grips with America's enemies, or if he's talking about the date he made for next Saturday night. Knowing Steve, probably America's enemies.
It's the Imperial (brother) Cavalry attack on the United States! Lucky for us we had two alert US Army soldiers on outpost duty, ready to sound the alarm, warn all West Coast defense units, and... no, they put on costumes and hit people with things.
All the spectacle and pagentry of medieval mounted combat is brought to life every night at your nearby Medieval Times, where everybody's treated like royalty and silverware is optional. I GUESS we can fight World War Two like this also? If we really have to?
I bet when Captain America got up this morning, he didn't have "be trampled by Hirohito's brother's horse" on his bingo card.
Meanwhile nearby, Future Stan (islav) Lee is hard at work on what we'll later know as "Marvel Movies," preparing to change the film industry forever!
Murdering temperamental filmmakers? Setting valuable studio property ablaze? Frightening assistant directors? Is there no end to this Substitute Emperor's villainy?
Aw, looks like the American army outpost is greeting the Japanese with their best impression of those big-eyed Japanese cartoon characters that will be all the rage in forty or fifty years.
Kind of appalled here at how easily a unit of the modern American army is demolished by some guys on horseback with swords. Level up, doughboys!
And in that magical, timeless, liminal space between comic book panels, we learn that the Emperor's brother and his Sir Lancelot Jousting Army have conquered all of California, from San Diego all the way up to the part of the state where Bigfoot hangs out, that's a lot of territory to just casually take over on horseback. Now, to celebrate, me drink more rice wine, which is certainly easier to swallow than that "taking over the whole state" story.
I haven't looked up Mexican telephone voltage standards of the 1940s lately, but you know phones take very little power, and... aw, forget it, California just got overrun in ten minutes by some guys on horses, I'm just gonna roll with it.
So this secret invading army of Japanese, they had motorcycles, perfectly working motorcycles. But they went with horses, because... I guess horses are easier to draw. That's it.
The secret mounted invasion force has captured the entire state and is holding all civilians - all seven million Californians - hostage. And it's all happening off-panel, saving the artist a great deal of work! The Mock Mikado will kill every Californian if the US Army makes one move. Personally I think this might be a little beyond the capabilities of even the most professional of secret mounted invaders - who has seven million firing squads ready to go? - but I suppose we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
Step one of defeating the invaders - Operation Mess Up Their Campground!
It's important to take time to punch the main bad guy a few times, just so he doesn't feel neglected.
And just like the Japanese invaders, Cap and Bucky forget all about their motorcycle and go with the horses. I don't get it.
But it was all a plan to lure the cavalry into a box canyon teeming with 100% American machine guns manned by 100% Americans, blasting away with ferocious abandon, only slightly distracted by the thought that if Captain America had just stayed Steve Rogers and called the army in the first place, they could have done this machine gun ambush bit BEFORE all of California was conquered. But whatever.
Really, Hirohito's Brother? You're going to invoke the name of the Buddha? Tell me, which part of the eight-fold path involves hacking film directors to death as you invade Chula Vista?
You gotta hand it to the script writer here, he didn't want to make that artist (Fred Bell?) do any more work than was absolutely necessary. Millions of civilians, giant invasion fleets, squadrons and squadrons of bombers, all pleasantly described as happening where we can't see.
Wow, I wonder what excuse Steve Rogers and Bucky can give for being absent from their post, allowing the entire state to be over-run by marauding hordes of Japanese soldiers? I mean, they would actually shoot you for this in 1942, this was honestly a capital offense.
But how could we stay mad at America's symbol of thrills, mystery, action, comedy, and patriotism? All these and more can be yours if you become a member of Captain America's Sentinels Of Liberty! Do YOU have a dime? Will YOU rush out to pummel Japanese invaders with your fists instead of calling in artillery and tanks? Can YOU ditch perfectly good motorcycles and ride horses instead? Then maybe you've got what it takes! Send that dime in today, quick, before the war ends!
Become a Patron!
Hey gang, thanks for reading Mister Kitty's Stupid Comics! If you enjoyed it and want to show your appreciation, you can now become a patron by hitting that Patreon button above! Or, you can hit that PayPal button on our home page, or turn off your ad blocker so's our advertisers know you're out there! And remember to visit our YouTube channel, our Facebook group and our Instagram? Why don't you.
PREVIOUS STUPID COMICS
NEXT STUPID COMICS
BACK TO STUPID COMICS INDEX
BACK TO MAIN INDEX