It seems like every few years a new crop of teenagers arrives, complete with their own confusing dress styles, weird music, and offbeat slang. Also, every few years a constantly aging crew of writers and artists are forced to unlearn last season's shibboleths and shift gears to an entirely different crop of fads and fashions. So c'mon, hike those pants up another quarter inch, light another cigar, mop the sweat off your bald spot, and call the wife to let her know you'll be working late trying to once again catch up with those darn kids! Wait a minute, it's 1967 already? Where does the time go?
So what you need to know first off with today's teenagers is that they really, really "dig" it when comics make fun of Asians. Don't worry, this nonsense-word Orientialism will never go out of style or be seen as ignorant or racist. Why would it?
They heard these kids talking about "groupies" and just figured it's the zany in-crowd word for "group," so they're just going to use it. Whenever you see the word "groupy" used here, just remind yourself it's meant to refer to the whole gang, and not some nubile fan who's sleeping her way through the British Invasion. And as for whatever these kids are eating here, I know the script calls for fortune cookies, but apparently the only reference photos available were for Jeno's Pizza Rolls.
And here's our "A" plot- somebody remembered the hoariest fortune cookie gag in existence.
"Foo" is right, as in "fooey" is what the artist Joe Orlando said when he heard he was going to have to draw seven different teenagers on every page in every issue of this comic book?!
So this is where the infamous anti-abortion protest organization "Operation Rescue" got its start - invading the very heart of the Jewish-Chinese Carbohydrate Conspiracy!
Hey, a fortune cookie factory. I wonder if we'll get any more of that hilarious Oriental sterotype dialogue! (please god no)
Whoops! The script throws us a curve by replacing the stereotype Oriental dialect with stereotype 1960s "swish" dialect. Not an improvement.
Doughnuts and cardboard squares, that's what the kids are into
Wait, I can get bad Asian stereotypes AND fat-shaming in the SAME sequence of panels? Wow!
At least the usage is correct, even if they're spelling "hokey" wrong. The word was forty years old at this point, but whatever, gotta keep it kookie for the kidz
Seriously, seeing "groupy" and "hoaky" in these word balloons is like NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD, I don't know why this is so triggering, but it sure is.
Well, let's be fair, if a bunch of annoying teenagers showed up at *my* entry-level factory job, crawling around the place and constantly talking about groupies and love, I'd get fired too.
So much for the fortune cookie intro, now we get into the REAL story, which is Cinderella with witches, told by somebody who just got a thesarus and is itchin' to use three or four words when one will do, because comedy.
I guess they're going to skip the whole "glass slipper" part, which is OK because this comic would probably change it to a set of love beads or a souvenir Buddha statue.
That's your pitch? "Don't be in love with this person, be in love with THAT person?" I can see why witches rely so heavily on the powers of Satan to get anything done!
Look, as long as they're doing fairy tales, why not throw a frog prince in there? After all, frogs are one thing theye have photo reference of!
What CAN Scooter and his gang of interchangeable teenagers do in the face of fairy tale magic spells and witches named Jersey City?
Fat shaming, lookism, werewolf abuse - this comic is a parade of outmoded prejudices. Good thing we've evolved beyond these short-sighted attitudes. Now let's get some soy-based gluten-free keto-diet lunch while we scroll TikTok looking for influencers who need cancelling!
"They don't look they did when I hired them" not only mangles the English language, but completely ruins a perfectly adequate "Guy Lombardo And His Royal Canadians" reference.
Fun fact: playing really fast to tire out the audience is the same strategy the Ramones used to avoid beatings at their early gigs.
These two throwaway monster characters have just taken over this comic book, and I want nothing but Dracustein & Ghoulfriend for the rest of the story. In fact I demand it.
Whew! I was afraid for a minute that this comic book was going to get all the way to Witch Second Base!
Here's the part where Joe Orlando is like, hey DC, can we start doing horror comics again? Please? Not yet? Aw come on. I wanna draw (and edit) horror comics!
"Zipsville switcheroo whammy bounce-ounce" is comic book writer shorthand for "I ran out of ideas a while back, but we still have five pages to go, send help"
Oh good, the girls get to talk about their hair, a welcome change from earlier, when they were talking about their weight. Girls! Am I right?
Hey, this is like the last scene of that movie "The VVitch," except everybody's wearing clothes, and the audience is bored and fidgety instead of mesmerized by Eggers' filmmaking and particularly the stunning production design by Craig Lathrop, which really draws you into the bleak, isolating horror of a 17th century New England winter, and...
And let's wrap this up with an Alfred E. Neuman reference. How about that, groupie? Does that make everything OK? Does it make you wish you were reading Mad Magazine instead? They're making fun of Star Trek this month!
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