Is it possible to boil down the fundamental philosophical questions of mankind into twenty pages of self published black and white comics? Hey, I don't know. Maybe. What I DO know is that what we got this time is definitely Not It.
Finally you can shut that know-it-all professor up and you can tell your local minister, priest, or rabbi to "get lost." The struggle of good versus evil is when "evil" puts on a black cloak and launches skulls and monsters at a naked blue man, which I'm led to believe is "good," and that's it! Case closed!
Please keep in mind that "Good vs Evil" is trademarked and copyrighted, so if you want to depict good battling evil yourself, you're going to need to get that licensed.
It's not enough that good and evil have been struggling for millennia, but a bunch of Druids, who are still around by the way, have decided to embody good and evil into physical forms so that they can finally settle the question of "tastes great" vs "less filling." Because that's what the Druids were really into, stark either-or systems of absolute morality. Also the whole Wicker Man thing.
Tonight, it's... I think that's Spawn? Spawn begins the struggle for "supremecy," but is reminded that this isn't funny any more. So getting kidnapped and crucified by hooded pagans was funny at first?
In case you needed help figuring out where everybody stands here in our story, they've helpfully labeled these medallions. Get your medallions here, you can't tell the players without a medallion!
we now take you LIVE to Sweden where the Death Metal Howling Championships are already in progress.
hey, turns out when you blast some random dude with the ultimate force of pure evil, he might just turn out to be a bad fella, and then he might punch you (Spawn) in the face.
Here's a handy comic book storytelling tip - take as much space as you need to show off all the folds and wrinkles of Evil's drapery. A full half-page? Sure. Go for it. Anything to help destroy this pathetic plain-looking "plain" of existence.
Again we point out that putting the ultimate force of evil into one vessel might have been a bad move.
On the one hand, your neck is snapped. But on the other hand, look at all those great wrinkles on everything!
The thing about eight-pack abs is, they're TWO BETTER than six-pack abs! That's how good Good is!
Cheese it, the cops! I don't know why Evil is so worried. Chances are at least even those cops will be on his side.
Not so fast, Evil, we need some extra speed lines that make it look like Good is rushing through a doorway. For reasons
Evil can't stick around, Evil has places to go and people to see and syntax to mangle.
Just outside of the ritual sight, in this pathetic plain of existence, which is where the struggle for supremecy takes place, there's some drunk driving. Another victory for Evil!
Well, I was definitely wondering when exactly the "fun" was going to start.
Is this whole comic book going to be Evil doing something evil and Good saying "Evil! No!" like Santa Claus talking to Lupita in that Mexican Santa Claus movie?
It definitely takes the full force of all the powers of evil in the universe to make a drunk douchebag crash his sportscar, definitely.
Looks like SOMEBODY's word balloons could use some time spent with any one of a number of men's personal grooming devices.
Good being good, however, he uses his Good portal powers to pick up the two accident victims, really jostle their spines around there, that's the way, and carry them to a nearby hospital. What a good guy that Good is.
GOOFUS turns the kindly janitor into a hate-filled maniac, GALLANT releases a tortured soul from his imprisoning pain.
Look, I know medical bills are murder, but this is ridiculous!
I'm sorry, that was a hacky joke. I wanted to come up with something snappy about how obvious it is that somebody had to back in and fix however the letterer originally spelled "unconscious," and then further question why the other numerous mispellings weren't fixed, but that's hard to express in a pithy sentence or two.
So this is where we're at: off-brand Deadpool informing us that misery is "a feeling."
Fun fact: "No! No! No!" is what retailers and customers said when they were asked if they would recommend "Good Vs Evil" to their friends.
Hey Evil! If you needed someone evil, you had a drunk-driving, girlfriend-disrespecting, goatee sporting guy right back there, but you decided to kill him instead. Think, Evil, think!
I don't even know what's going on any more. This entire comic book has become a whirlwind of scratchy pen lines, giant teeth, some sort of gurgly molten wax swirling around at random, and hairy word balloon after hairy word balloon.
Oh, and now the comic book is giving us brain teasers? What's happening to me? What's happening to all of us?!
You know how you have to turn your textbooks in at the end of the school year, and if you've defaced it by, say, doodling heavy metal mascot characters all over the pages, you'll have to pay for it? I think that's what happened here, they had some math books with rock 'n' roll devils on every page, and they just built a comic book around 'em. Thus does Evil truly reign supreme. The end.
And here's the kicker: this scratchy, incoherent, typo-ridden mess of a narrative took six people TWELVE WHOLE MONTHS to create. Sure, Saturn Comics, you're TOTALLY going to be publishing this quarterly... if our years suddenly get four times longer. Of course we know this didn't happen; Saturn Comics never published another issue of "Good Vs Evil." I'm going to chalk THAT little fact up as a win in the "Good" column!
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