When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, it was just one of his many inventions. Little did he dream his dream of transmitting the human voice across distances would lead to the many wonders, aggravations, and annoyances we now enjoy today! But it isn't all prank calls and telemarketers and phishing scams. The telephone can also be the springboard for love, sexual fulfillment, and a little creepy stalking, as we'll see in this week's Stupid Comics!
If you've ever spent time working a desk you'll know what Payne Calhoun is going through. You wind up spending so much time on the phone with the service tech or the front desk switchboard or the sales rep that you begin to think of them as more than just business acquaintances. These familiar voices become friends and the work day becomes easier as you exchange pleasantries and small talk. However, Payne is taking this train all the way to the heavy breathing, "what are you wearing?" station.
At this point, when the stranger on the other end of the phone casually mentions he knows your age, what university you attended, and when you graduated, well, that's when you hang up and call somebody's supervisor. Or the police.
There's no way this is acceptable corporate behavio-- wait, this is the 1970s. As long as he keeps his pants on, nobody's gonna bat an eye.
Yeah, I BET she's gonna call him Payne, as in "...in the neck."
All the women, in all the offices, everywhere, they all know each other. Sure.
He's got two tickets to a Knick game. Not "Knicks" - just one Knick, power forward Harthorne Wingo, playing solitaire on his day off. Excitement!
And KAPOW just like that SHE's got those tix! Face it dude - you just got KATED!
Here's a good career plan. Cancel your appointments and stand around a client's building staring at women and thinking about hiring a private detective to take clandestine photographs of the object of your obsession. You'll have that corner office in no time!
Or you could just, you know, go to where she is and introduce yourself like a reasonable mature adult would do. Fake it til' you make it, I guess
Thankfully the pre-internet office, with all its paperwork shuffling back and forth, provides many an opportunity for the clever Man On The Make to get close to his telephone honey.
Payne was SO CLOSE but he couldn't get past that redhead, who's probably a man-hater! That's right Payne, take out your frustration at your own timidity on a complete stranger.
Do you know why you have the uncomfortable feeling you've made an idiot out of yourself? It's because you actually did make an idiot out of yourself. Or was it all that redhead's fault for brushing you off? Hey, that's how you keep your suit looking new. Brushing.
Hey, turns out giving girls box seat Knicks tickets might actually get you a dinner date after all!
Surprise, Kate Summers turns out to be that man-hating date-blocking red-headed bespectacled career woman he'd spent all afternoon blaming his own failures on.
She was considerate enough not to interrupt his ogling the secretary, and she's thoughtful about her health! This one might be a keeper, Payne!
Woman of the 1970s. Interesting, witty, and always on the alert for creeps.
Who cares about whether or not she needs glasses, I want to know more about these "yogi bit" "sessions" she's having with Joe Swingler and his wife. She's in some kind of a cult, Payne. Be careful, the next thing you know you'll be in a leotard attuning your vibrations to the frequency of the space brothers!
It sure is odd how two people came to know each other through random, almost anonymous means of technological communication. Just wait until they invent OK Cupid, you ain't seen nothing yet!
And now here's the climax of our story, where Kate give Payne $39.50 for those Knicks tickets. Dang, those service fees really take a bite!
Here it is guys. Proof that you can make a pest of yourself over the phone, weasel your way into meeting her with gifts, and then show up unannounced during her yoga class to collect your due reward, a big mouth-erasing kiss! Now start dialing.
Thanks and a tip of the Mister Kitty hat to reader Crystal M. for this gem!
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