As the old saying goes, the course of true love never runs smoothly. And it had better not, or all these romance comics would be one page long. Let's check out one of these possibly doomed partnerships today and see if they aren't going to pilot that relationship all the way straight into the ground.

Is there really one simple mistake THEY don't want you to know about not making that, if avoided, means somebody else's groom is now YOUR groom? Is that secret something about not giving your love away? Let's find out.

Romance books are some of the only comics that re-use interior splash pages as covers. Or are they re-using the cover as an interior splash? Which came first? Only the production department knows for sure.

According to scientific calculations, her "love meter" readings are way higher than Betty's! And because human beings always act according to rational scientific principles, she should be the one getting married instead of Betty. Some may be so bold as to ask what the man's preferences are in this situation, but that data is simply irrelevant.

Judging from her failure to use the phrase "...and laugh at funerals!" in an actual conversation, I can only assume Sue here never spent Midnight Movies with a local Rocky Horror Picture Show cast.

For the first time Sue learns the meaning of True Love, which surprisingly enough does NOT involve stealing multiple boyfriends. True Love is allowed ONE stolen boyfriend, max.

I don't care what year it is, this is a super creepy thing to say about a toddler.

"She'll be a jet-setting tramp leaving a string of ruined lives, failed marriages, and suicides in her wake as she gallivants around the world on the arm of increasingly wealthy, increasingly decrepit old men! What a wonderful life she has in store."

I can't believe Sue thought for one second of refusing to dance with Billy Riley, The mere touch of whose hand sends them both into raptures of ecstasy. Who could say no to this?

"Girls always have to say yes to boys, saying no is not an option" is the message I'm getting here. I'm gonna go ahead and say a man wrote this comic?

Billy is making some rookie mistakes here. First off you barely know this girl, so leading with a lot of "we'll be together forever" talk is straight out of Norman Bates' handbook. Also, class rings are a total scam!

"I wanted you to be the first to eat your heart out in jealousy - er, I mean, be the first to know we're going steady. Even though you were in the next booth and could obviously hear everything, I still want you to grit your teeth and pretend to be happy. After all, what are friends for?"

Poor Billy, having to go steady with a swingin' beach party bikini teen who might not reciprocate his undying love for her. At least she isn't throwing herself at other boys!

Whoops, spoke too soon. Again we see there is nothing Betty can possess which Sue cannot take away! So once again, Betty what was briefly yours is now mine. What a fitting end to your life's pursuits. You're about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, even you may be worth something.

(sorry, got a little crazy with the movie quote copy-and-paste there)

And right here, in the middle of this rapacious heart-breaking boy-stealing scene, is when we ask ourselves, how exactly are these two people friends? Friends don't do this stuff!

That's how it went. Sue was on a whirlwind kissing spree that didn't stop until half the town had mononucleosis and the other half had terrible chapped lips!

Betty and Sue hit the Big Apple as Sue glams up to steal more boyfriends and Betty makes a weird transformation into early Steve Ditko Peter Parker.

Hello Rick, who's your... is that Owen Wilson? It sure looks like Owen Wilson!

I think throughout this entire comic Sue is confusing "love" with "attracted to" and this is the first time in her life she's seen a man she's actually attracted to, as opposed to wanting to steal merely because it's a thing Betty has and therefore must be stolen. Maybe she's been attracted to "stealing" all this time.

See, if women had comfortably-designed shoes, they could keep dancing right along with the men and they wouldn't have to leave their dates at the mercy of Sue, The Devourer

Wow! Is this a DC romance comic or dialog from an X-rated movie? Just how close are they dancing that she can feel "it"? Aren't there chaperones at these things?

Appalled that a story about a woman who "knows all the tricks of the game" and is now "giving her love away" is appearing a Code-approved comic instead of being a cheap exploitation film third on a marquee at a 42nd Street grindhouse theater along with "Indecent Desires" and "She-Devils On Wheels." 1968 was a great year for trashy movies!

All men are doomed to fall under the Sue Spell. Rick will be no exception!

Is this "The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant" or "The Thing With Two Heads?" I always get those two movies confused.

Seems the Spell Of Sue has been broken. All her bumping and grinding DIDN'T steal Rick away from Betty! And Betty is SO SORRY. Suuuuuuure she is.

We really needed this date-stealing claim-jumper to tell us what love is? If I wanted to know what love is, I'd ask the band Foreigner to play me their number one hit. But instead we get Sue, who finally learned that she is not a heartless automaton, but is actually capable of being attracted to another human being for reasons other than the thrill of boy-larceny.

In conclusion, let me remind everybody that stealing - even stealing somebody else's boyfriend - is WRONG and you shouldn't do it. Unless you're REALLY in love.

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