It must have been tough writing eerie suspense-type comics in the 50s. Sure, you had decades of pulp and radio to swipe from, and your young readers probably weren't even alive when the sources for your swipes first appeared. But the day-in, day-out grind of low-paying comic book scripting surely must have taken its toll. Here in today's feature we can see where the uncredited author simply gives up, just throws up his hands and says "I'm out."


Looks like the next season of Dr. Who is off to a ripping start as our titular hero and his, or her, arch-rival The Master switch brains! Will the universe be safe from... no. Forget it. This one's about Dr. Mantell, who really wants us to know he's got a lot of friends, and that some of them are super smart science guys with alarming stories.


I was working in the lab, late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my friend at the door began to surmise
And suddenly to my surprise
(He did the talk)
He did the science guy talk
(The science guy talk) It was a doorway... talk


"Yes, you were running a puppy farm and you hired the worst contractor in the world to do your wiring. Tell me, did you ever get that fixed, or does everything metal still give out random 220-volt shocks?"

Our frightening, uncanny tale will continue after these messages!


Hey kids! Want a friend to show you "his magic" while you sit there naked and helpless in the bath? That's pretty messed up. Now, back to our story.


Check it out, everybody, this GENIUS SCIENTIST has TRAINED DOGS to - brace yourselves - BRING HIM THE PAPER!! What's next for this brilliant researcher?


Breeding dogs with "anime eyes" might have been forty or fifty years ahead of the curve. The 50s simply weren't ready!


That's the mark of a top scientist, just jumping to wild conclusions without any evidence other than "I'm certain of it!" That's how the research community came to accept Einstein's General Theory Of Relativity - he just hollered "I'M TOTALLY POSITIVE IT'S TRUE!" until they gave in.


Maybe dogs have already become super intelligent and maybe they've made slaves of humanity already, and maybe they're poised to become the dominant life form on Earth. That's a lot of maybes that will vanish at the first sight of the local Animal Control truck. Not to mention the first sight of those embarrassing Halloween costumes we make dogs wear. Or maybe they actually like those?

Our exciting story will continue in a moment!


Hey kids! You think YOU have problems? Try surviving polio or osteomyelitis or severe bus-crash injuries! Your little math exams don't seem quite so important, now do they? This has been a public service message from adults everywhere. Adults! We've got REAL problems.

And now back to our story.


Maybe thinking about killing the dogs that can read your thoughts isn't the best way to plan getting rid of those dogs, but I can't think of another way to think about it without thinking about it


Yup, they know that he knows that they know that he knows. This is where that tinfoil hat crowd might have been on to something!


Just a quick stop to check in with his pal Dr. Mantell, and then it's back to the house to destroy those dogs before they can destroy mankind... because he has a strange feeling when looking into his dog's weird eyes.

And that's the story? Now I know what you're thinking, and not because I'm a super intelligent dog. You're thinking that we have two more panels, that this is comic books, this is a medium where literally anything is possible, and we can wrap this story up with any number of wild shock surprise endings, Dr. Mantell can rip off his human mask to reveal he's a poodle, it turns out this is all happening in a movie a bunch of dogs are watching on a dog spaceship, we can cut to the Lincoln Memorial and Abraham Lincoln is a golden retriever. Bring it on home, comic book story, show us who the master is!


And that's the big reveal this waste of everybody's time is going with, the old "who knows, certainly not me" wrap-up? Get out of here, comic book story, and don't come back until you've come up with a REAL ending. We'll be waiting. We've got a bowl full of Milk-Bones, we've got a nice rug to nap on, we can do this as long as it takes.

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