Look, raising children is hard work. You do your best and maybe those kids still turn out weird, no matter how many PTA meetings you attend or how many times you try to figure out how to play that darn video game they're so obsessed with. Sometimes things just go the way they want to and there's nothing you can do as a parent but roll with the punches, like the dad here in today's story!

Remember that hilarious Budweiser ad based on the short film that featured guys on the phone hollering "Whassup?" at each other? Here in "House Of Mystery" #133 we see the stunning predictive power of comic books, as our Boy Saboteur heroes yell VAAAZAAAAPPP!!! at the secret government project they're attempting to destroy, or maybe say "what's up" to.

Tonight's guest star: Comedian Paul F. Tompkins and his self-driving convertible!

If you don't know what you've built... how do you know when you're finished?

Your tax dollars at work, everybody - building expensive mystery machines that perform unknown functions to achieve unstated goals. My guess is that the "big test" will confirm Dr. Kaloz needs LOTS more funding

It's that classic single dad mistake - buying the kids real laser guns. Those things are nothing but trouble! Well, he'll learn.

Trying to stop an expensive government project with ray guns and space helmets? That's kid stuff. What you want is a Senate investigative committee and three or four injunctions, that's how these things get done.

What's the meaning of all this space-helmeted child heat-ray sabotage? I mean, on a metaphorical level, can't we interpret this as our children rejecting Western mechanized progress in favor of atavistic, regressive fantasy? Seems like we'll need another two or three research grants to really uncover the facts.

Take your children home, Bradford, and keep a strict watch on them. Hire a sitter or something. And take those fishbowls off their heads, they're suffocating!

Your otherwise normal children spent the day sabotaging secret government projects with their inexplicable heat-rays, and now they're mumbling in their sleep about instructions for Plan Beta from somebody named "Zal-Ta." Yup, top-notch parenting there, you're a great dad, Bradford. Now back to your pipe and the sports section.

Think, Bradford! Was "Quadrophenia" on TCM last night? It was, wasn't it? That old army jacket of yours - does it suddenly have a Who insignia on the back? Face it. Your kid's a Mod.

We're all anxious about your kids, Bradford, because it seems you leave them unsupervised all day long while you're at work. In fact we're *this close* to calling Child Protective Services.

I can't help it, I look at this panel and all I can see are a bunch of guys on the phone hollering at each other, and then I want the clean, crisp taste of the king of beers, Budweiser. Damn you, Madison Avenue!

You'd think after one sabotage attempt the boys would be under guard, but everybody gets a freebie. That's the rule. At least SOMEBODY'S keeping an eye on these kids now!

Finally planet Thantos drops the subterfuge and gets in touch with someone actually involved with the project they're trying to stop. Maybe do this first, Thantosians?

And finally Bradford here does the work of at least five government agencies, and actually checks up on this so-called "Doctor" and the amazing scam he's been running on the taxpayer's dime. Great Dynamos indeed!

Weapons testing should be a tender, private moment, between a scientist and his giant tumescent creation only.

Always gotta have that panel where they rip off their human mask and reveal their green alien skin, that's a keeper! Say how many millions of dollars did the government throw at a guy in an obvious rubber mask? Didn't Eisenhower warn us about this?

It's like they say, when Thantosian heat-beams are outlawed only outlaws will have Thantosian heat-beams.

But it's a good old-fashioned Earthman right to the jaw - I guess that's a jaw there - that defeats Kaloz and his "Kalozicutioner X-13."

In a shock surprise ending, we learn that the ray gun we thought was a toy at first was actually a toy this time - and that these children DO have a Mom, who has conveniently been out of town long enough for Bradford to neglect them to such a degree that they become possessed by aliens and commit treasonable acts of sabotage. Way to parent there, Bradford. Well, so long everybody, and try to resist the urge to holler VAAZAAAAPP the next time you answer the phone!

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