At first glance this may seem like a story about a woman choosing between her age-appropriate boyfriend and an older man, and... it is... but be sure to read the fine print, because the older man is her old man!

Actually, if you take out the words entirely, this could be a time warp story in which she goes forward into time to see what her boyfriend will be like as a concerned-looking but distinguished middle-aged man, but it isn't! But now I kind of want to write that story!

What little girl doesn't love putting on a frilly maid's apron and serving coffee in bed to her daddy, who, like all good fathers, wears a suit to bed?

Daddy, however, would rather the housekeeper wear the frilly apron. The big hair ribbons and pigtails are optional. How old is she supposed to be here, anyway? The hair ribbons suggest "12 or under" but the generous boozom suggests late teens at least.

Dad, I know you're trying to help, but hanging around the house when your weird, clingy daughter's finally brought a boy around is probably not the greatest idea. Especially if you insist on being such a buff, hairy-chested DILF.

Just kidding, this girl's just a bit emotionally stunted, right? She's not really horny for her dad...


But, you're thinking, she's very young, maybe she's just a particularly well-developed pre-teen who still prefers her daddy to the company of Bob, or Ted, or even Carol or Alice.

But you'd be wrong! She's 18 now and she has everything she wants. EVERYTHING. EVAH-REE-THING.

Dad isn't so much "trying to be fair" as he is "trying to get his grown-ass daughter out of his hair, even for a little while, Jesus Christ"

Either the letterer of this story misread the script and turned Gail's caption into a world balloon for Dave, or Daddy brought home a mind reader!

Gail eagerly waits for her father to once again humiliate yet another young man, but instead, Dave beats Dad without even trying! Possibly because Dad is trying even less, so his weird daughter will stop fixating on him!

That's right, not only has she done all the latest dances with dad-- the frug, the watusi, even the boogaloo!-- HE taught them to HER. That's not cool at all Gail! That is very, very square!

Yes, Dave was different all right. Dad knew what he was doing when he invited a guy who was basically a younger version of himself over for a swim. They probably met when Dad was learning all the newest dances at The Electric Brain.

"In a way" she says. Yes, there's someone else, "in a way". And when she says "don't ask", take her word for it!

Oh, sure Dave. That always works out really well.

uhhhh no Gail I can't understand, because your dad isn't a bedridden invalid, he's a hot, virile DILF who regularly beats the crap out of younger men at swimming and tennis. And YES sometimes he hangs around your bedroom door listening to your private phone calls wearing nothing but a robe, what of it????

You really can't expect to keep out someone as athletic as Dave with just a front door, not when he can easily hop your fence and make a pest of himself. Clearly you're gonna need much better security if you're gonna keep having fun "suffering" without him.

Orrr... and hear me out here... her place is with neither of you? Like, she just turned 18, shouldn't she be in college or something?

OK, your father is old, ugly, dumb and poor. You still have to grow up!

"And he's right behind me, isn't he?"

For weeks, Gail donned her finest frilly mourning attire and suffered around the house, posing and suffering, suffering and posing, at her dressing table, on her boogie board, anywhere suffering was allowed, and Dad suffered along with her. Don't think there's any doubt about that.

Is that what he's gonna tell prospective future employers? "Reason for leaving last position: Boss's daughter has creepy daddy complex, wouldn't marry me"

Is it just me, or is that table changing shape and adding and removing chairs at will?

Do you have any idea how much fine executives cost these days? Oh, why didn't I have 8 or 9 more daughters, so I could be assured of an entire board of directors??

uhh you know Dad nothing's been stopping you from going out and meeting new women yourself. I realize parents are supposed to put their childrens' needs before their own but that doesn't literally mean you have to make sure your daughter's getting laid before you can get laid yourself. It's not like the overhead oxygen masks on an airplane.

You know Dad you could've saved you both a lot of grief if you'd, I don't know, sent her away to college? You're super wealthy and besides it's 1970, a university education is literally never going to be cheaper.

oops, now he's done it, he shook her too hard and now her hard drive has crashed.

When she says she "flew" to him, I think she really "flew" to him. Just like Dad, Dave knows where to get the best hard shit from the bouncers at The Electric Brain.

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